Christmas 09

Well Friends. Christmas has come and gone. I can't believe it.
It was a pretty darn good Christmas at our house this year. The only bummer part is that I didn't even spend a full 24 hours with my family. I had to work on Christmas eve. Big bummer. Luckily I made it to my Grandpa Paulsen's house for the last five minutes of dinner. It was good seeing some of the Paulsen's again. We don't get to see one another nearly enough. We sang Christmas carols and read Luke. Then my grandpa talked about my grandma and how much he missed her and can't wait to be with her again. He told us all that we better not cry when he dies because he will be the happiest man that ever existed. It is so precious to me how much he loves his sweetheart. It makes my heart ache how much he misses her though.
After that we opened presents and chatted and started debates and teasing and all that fun family stuff.
So my family headed home to good old Fruit Heights and we opened up our pajamas. And oh my! Our pajamas were totally freaking amazing this year! We all had matchy matchy ones. They are red flannel boy pants (yay for the length!) and bright red Elmo face shirts. That's right, I said Elmo! They are ridiculously cool. We all got in our pj's and took pictures of course. They are on Cassie's camera but if I get a chance I will steal them from her and post them on here. My family is just too cool. So then my dad got too excited to give my mom his present (as always) and gave it to her that night instead of waiting until morning. He surprised her with a vacation to Cancun. She was so excited! My parents are so cute.
So then my parents went to bed and the siblings stayed up and watched The Grinch. Classic. My favorite line: "Fetch the stick Max! Ha! There is no stick. I'm smarter."

So then we come to Christmas morning.
Zach is, of course, the first one up. He wakes me and Cassie up and then we have to wake up Jessica because Zach is scared of her in the mornings. ha ha. Luckily Zach is a teenager now and likes to sleep in later than he usually does. Instead of the 3 or 4 in the morning, he woke up at 7. Yay for getting older! =) So then the tearing through wrapping paper madness begins. My mom is of course worrying about everything and saying "everything is take-back-able" and worried that we didn't get enough, when really we got insanely spoiled! It must be hard to be the mom on Christmas day. ha. I love her.
My favorite gift this year was a new car stereo for Buzz, an ipod, and the complete Friends series, which I have been watching non stop ever since. LOVE it!
Christmas day we drove to Preston. I drove separately because I had to work the next day and saw no point in driving from fruit heights to preston to fruit heights to logan. My mom came with me and we listened to Relient K's Christmas album (which is amazing by the way) and then we had a really good spiritual talk on Christ and his life and it totally put me in the Christmas mood.
Hanging out in Preston with my Butt cousins was way fun. Kailey got a new game called Curses and it was played a lot. That game is freaking hilarious! I totally want it now! We had an excellent dinner.... my grandma is an amazing cook.... and I finally got my craving of funeral potatoes taken care of... YUM!
After all the merriment I drove back to Logan and watched Friends and played my new Wii Game which is way way fun. I wasn't necessarily thrilled to be by myself the entire night, well, the entire weekend really, but that's the life you live when you work crappy retail jobs as a college student. I am the only one here in my entire building and it's just a little creepy. I wish I was home with my fam but I am just thankful I at least got the little time with them that I did. I don't know why I feel it so strongly this year more than ever, but I truly love my family so much and am so grateful for them. When life gets tough, they are the people that I want standing in my corner and backing me up. They are amazing people and even though we have many issues, way too much drama, and a little fighting here and there, there is a lot of love in my family and support of one another.

Sample Guidelines

I know getting free samples at the grocery store can be a tricky business, so here are some guidelines I have picked up in my current line of work. . . .

#1 The flavor of the sample does not change no matter how many times you try it. Really. You need only to try it once.

#2 There really IS such things as stupid questions. For example: "What do you feed your pigs before you turn them into ham?" is a stupid question.

#3 The products will be by the samples, not in another part of the store. This should be obvious, especially if the samples are directly in front of a giant refrigerator with the product name in giant letters on it. There is no need to go looking elsewhere.

#4 Take the first sample you touch. (I hope this does not need an explanation)

#5 Sneezing on the sample plate is not a good idea. Please aim elsewhere.

#6 When there is a large line full of eager people for free food, don't stop at the samples to discuss the product with your friends. Step aside. You can always come back if you decided to purchase.

#7 When the sample lady speaks to you, it is always polite to respond. There are never any exceptions to this rule. Well, Ok. I lied. If you are deaf, then that is indeed an exception. For everyone else, this lady is giving you free food, you should say something. Some suggestions: Hi. Thank-you. How are you. etc.

#8 Making sex noises after trying the product is in no way appropriate. There are other ways to express your delight in the product. Making these noises is uncomfortable for everyone around you.

#9 Chew With Your Mouth Closed.

#10 If there is one sample on a single plate, take the plate. If there are multiple samples on a plate, take ONE sample and LEAVE the plate. Please read this through several times until you understand this concept.

#11 Opinions on the product are not necessary. This is simply to see if YOU like the product and if YOU want to buy it. For instance, telling the sample lady that her turkey tastes like tuna is completely unnecessary. The only time you should give your opinion is if the sample lady is collecting data or giving surveys.

#12 A smile and/or a thank-you go a long way for the sample lady. She is standing there for a long time after all.

#13 If you are a cute stock boy, flirting with the sample lady is much appreciated and welcomed. Even if it is only to get free food. She likes the attention.

#14 If you have 7 kids, each kid should only take ONE sample. Don't let them keep coming back for more. Especially five times in one night. Suggestion: Go home and feed your kids dinner.

#15 A used toothpick is meant to go into the trash. Not on the floor. Not on the counter. And most especially not back onto the sample plate.

#16 Don't talk with your mouth full of food. No one likes "See-Food".

#17 If you are a very old man, flirting with the sample lady is not flattering. It is creepy. Because you are old.

#18 If you can not tell the difference between turkey and ham, then you need to eat more turkey and ham. They are not alike.

Soap Box

The last three days in my English class this semester were spent giving oral presentations on various topics. The requirement was that these topics had to be somewhat controversial because my teacher likes to strike up debates like you would not even believe!

One of the girls in my class got up and announced that she thinks that the legal drinking age should be brought down to the age of 18. The reason she gave was that if an 18 year old can fight in a war, they should be able to drink as well. I guess I kind of agree with that. After all, you are an adult when you are 18. BUT then she said that the biggest reason she thinks it should be lowered is because so many teenagers are drinking, and when they completely over do it they are too afraid of the law to go to the hospital and get help, and many of them end up dying from alcohol poisoning.

THAT'S WHERE SHE LOST ME.

Now don't get me wrong, it IS sad that alcohol is such a problem for teenagers today. But lowering the age limit is NOT going to solve anything! We live in a society where we no longer have to pay for the consequences of our actions. Have sex and get pregnant? Abortion. Go to jail? Buy your way out. Love McDonalds a little too much? Plastic surgery. 18, too much alcohol, afraid to go to the hospital? Lower the drinking age??? I DON'T THINK SO! If teenagers are really stupid enough to break the law, then they SHOULD have to pay for the consequences!

I don't think teenagers really get the affect alcohol can have on them. They do it as an act of rebellion, they like the high, they don't think anything bad will happen to them. WHICH MEANS: They are not mature enough to handle it!


A law should not be changed simply to decrease the number of law-breakers. It would be like saying that murder is on the rise, so let's make murder legal so that we don't have as many people breaking the law. It's completely absurd!

Anyway,this is just me on my little soap box, saying that this argument is a completely ridiculous one. I think it's kind of scary that some people actually think this way. I don't know why, but ever since that class I have not been able to get this off my mind. I don't like that consequences are disappearing. You can get away with so much these days.

Yesterday my boss said to me "I would rather ask for forgiveness than permission." That kind of summarizes our society today. Act first, think later. What a good theory to spread into the world. Sheesh!

I'm A Poet and I didn't Even Know It!!!

This last Thursday was my last day of school in the wonderful fall semester of the year 2009. Boo-Frickin-Yeah! In my poetry class on that day we had a final, which, not gonna lie, I felt completely unprepared for. Fortunately I thought it went rather well as it was entirely essay format and, let's face it, I rock at writing essays! I am one of the best B.S.'ers on the planet, not even joking. As the exam was coming to an end however, my professor announces to the whole classroom that he would like Kristi Wright to stay after class because he has something very important to talk to her about. . . . . Uh-oh. What did I do? He sounded so serious. My poetry professor looks like Mr. Clean, to the tee! He is big and bald and VERY intimidating! I mean, he's even got the stache and everything. Needless to say, I started panicking. I started questioning what he could possibly want to talk to me about on the last day? I worried that I had failed the class and wasn't getting credit or something like that. What else could it be?! As the class was filing out, handing in their papers, I stood in the back very awkwardly. It felt like it took forever for everyone to leave. As the final person closed the door, I walk to my professors desk. I see lying on his desk a poem I had written for one of our assignments, and all of a sudden become very confused. My professor gets a huge smile on his face, and tells me that the poem I had written was his favorite of the entire classes. He then takes the time to go through each line with me and compliments me on different things I had done. And here is the big shocker! - He says to me, "Kristi. This is a very good poem. And you are a very talented writer. I strongly suggest that you enter this into the poetry contest that the school is having next semester. I think you have a really good shot at doing very well with this poem." - - - WHAT??!!! I was completely floored. Like literally. Glued. To. The. Floor. This is not what I was expecting at all! I have never written poetry in my entire life unless it was for school. What a compliment! I was so touched. There is no way I would ever enter that poem into a contest, but it felt really good to be complimented by a college poetry professor on a poem that I had written!

There have been a few very similar experiences with my other teachers this year. They tell me I am good at English. And I am. And it feels good to be good at something. Especially because more often than not, I am screwing up in every other aspect of my life. Sometimes, .... well, most times, I feel like an eternal- screw up. But when I am in my English classes, I never do. It seems like I just can't get things right in life. Like whatever I do, it will never be enough. But in English... Well, in English I have gotten it down. And it IS enough. And DANG! That feels good!


Anyway, maybe this eternal-screw up has potential after all. =)

Today I am grateful for YOU!!! (Because you are reading my blog and that makes me happy! And I LIKE being HAPPY!!!!)

11/24
Today I am grateful for sleep. And naps, they are lovely.
11/23
Today I am grateful that God put animals on the Earth.

11/22
Today I am grateful for church meetings that inspire, uplift, and answer my prayers. I am so grateful that I was placed in the USU 55'th ward. There is no doubt in my mind whatsoever that that is where I need to be. Along with that I am thankful for the ability I have to feel the spirit so strongly that it makes my heart pound and eyes tear up.
11/21
Today I am grateful for music and the powerful uplift it can bring to my mood.
11/20
Today I am grateful that all my basic needs are met - food, clean water, clothes, and shelter. There are many in the world, too many in fact, who are not as lucky.

Today I am grateful for the power of prayer and the simple, everyday miracles it brings to my life.

Today I am grateful for modern technology and indoor plumbing. I don't think I would make a very good pioneer =)

Today I am grateful for the opportunity I have to go to school and gain a college education.

Gratitude Month

The last post was a total downer, so I am going to try to rectify my attitude about the holidays and have a month of gratitude. I will name something I am grateful for everyday for the rest of the month. (hopefully I remember to do it everyday) And since I am starting so late into the month, here is something for everyday that I have missed.
11/16: My Heated Steering Wheel
11/15: My New Job
11/14: Joseph Smith and Thomas S. Monson
11/13: Books
11/12: Living in the U.S.
11/11: Getting Letters
11/10: My Parents Staying Married for 26 Years
11/09: The Scriptures
11/08: Movies
11/07: Reese's Peanut Butter Cups
11/06: The Priesthood
11/05: Facebook
11/04: My Roommates (both past and present)
11/03: The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints
11/02: My Awesome Friends
11/01: My Amazing Family

Bah-humbug!

What is it about this time of year that makes everyone so depressed? I swear all of my friends and family are down in the dumps right now. And no, I do not exclude myself from that category. I honestly can say that I hate this time of year!
There is something about the holidays that is ... well... just depressing! It must be the weather. I like blaming things on the weather. I hate the cold and therefore will blame it for all my misery. But it's not only the weather. Let's face it. The holidays are a draining time of year. You know you SHOULD be like Jolly old Saint Nick, but find yourself more on the grinchier side of things. More than ever you just want to scream BAH-HUMBUG! at the top of your lungs.
November and December are the times when you think about the family that is no longer there and the friends that you have lost. There is this little ache inside you that just won't go away. It's only the first part of November, and yet, I begin to feel it already.
Things at home have not been good. And for some reason, I find myself thinking about my grandma more and more. I miss her so much! And I know the ache for her will only get worse as Thanksgiving and Christmas draw nearer. She always made the holidays so special!
I think too that this time of year is hard on us that fall under the S.U.C.K. category. (Single Unemployed College Kid). Actually this time of life is hard anytime. We don't really seem to fit anywhere. Our lives right now are all about making decisions for who we will become, not necessarily for who we are. It's a transitional stage. Away from our families, but without families of our own.
I admit that there are many, many things that I absolutely love about the holidays. But that will have to wait for another blog. As of right now, on this not so good day, I shout to the world BAH-HUMBUG!
Signed,
Mrs. Scrooge

Weird Car Day

Today I had three different, three very random and strange things happen to me while I was in my car. I am not sure if this is even blog worthy, but I got a kick out of it!

ONE: I was cleaning out my car today. I was kneeling on the ground picking up trash on the floor when I look up and a cat is right in front of me looking back. He had somehow jumped into my car without my seeing and was just sitting on the arm rest in between the driver and passenger seats. It gave me quite a shock! Definitely was not expecting that one! He was way cute too. He refused to get out of my car and I eventually had to pick him up and shoo him on his way. He didn’t leave though. Just sat right next to my legs as I finished my work. I think this may be the same cat that follows Emily around so I guess we have adopted a new friend.

TWO: I went to the hockey game with my cousin and when I went to drive her home I parked in her parking lot and we ended up talking for about three hours in the car. As we were sitting there talking my car all of a sudden starts violently shaking. I look back and these three or four random boys just ran up to my car and started shaking it. Kylie and I think that they probably thought we were a guy and girl finishing our Friday night date off by making out or something, and decided it would be funny to interrupt us. Sorry to disappoint boys, but not only are we both girls, we are also cousins! It was so random and so so so funny!

THREE: As Kylie and I are still sitting in my car talking, this girl opens my door, sits down, and says “sorry I was running late guys.” She puts down the pillow and blanket she is holding, put on her seatbelt, and when she finally looks up says “Oh. Wrong car. Someone somewhere in this parking lot is waiting for me.” She then takes off her seatbelt and picks up her stuff and gets out. She says sorry as she closes the door. As soon as the door shuts Kylie and I look at each other and just start cracking up. Poor girl. She must have been so embarrassed! Sure was a good laugh for us though! Ha ha people are so funny!

I Never Saw This One Coming....

I got a church calling today. My eyes filled with tears when the bishop told me. Oh dear. Oh dear. Oh dear. I do not believe I have ever felt quite so inadequate in my whole entire life.

I guess I got what I deserved though. I was sitting by the bishops office, waiting for my turn. My super nice roommate Emily was kind enough to wait with me. All month long I felt like it was being hinted at that I was going to be a Relief Society Visiting Teacher Supervisor, a calling which I had already been twice two years in a row..... which I never had the best attitude about in the first place. Emily and I were talking about it, and I became my bitter, sour self just thinking about how much I disliked that calling. I believe my exact words were "Here this calling is for the less important people that we don't actually want interacting with other people. But everyone has to have a calling I guess.... so I guess we will give this one to you." Yeah. That was my attitude about that calling. But you know what happens when you have a bad attitude about a calling? You get a far worse calling. In other words, you get what you deserve!

Today I was called to be a Relief Society TEACHER!!!!

AHHHHHHHHH!

When my bishop told me, I just sat there, completely stunned, with my eyes full of tears. He asked if I was okay, or if I was totally scared senseless. I told him I was scared senseless. He offered words of encouragement and a teaching book that he said would help. He then asked me again if I would accept this calling. I said I would in a weak stuttery kind of voice.

When I went out into the hall and started walking to my car with Emily it was all I could do to keep from crying. I came home, went in my room, and let the tears fall. I want my mommy! But she is at church and I guess I can't cry to her until later in the day.

I don't know why I am so emotional about this. Never before has a calling hit me with such a force of inadequacy and the feeling that I just can't do this. That they must have made a mistake. They've got the wrong girl!

Hopefully I am just in a state of shock and will feel differently about things tomorrow..... but.... I doubt it. =(

The Labyrinth of FHE

Non grid system streets. Sigh. What a mess. Tonight we were having FHE at a bishoprics home in River Heights. Where is River Heights? Heck if I know?! Well, apparently River Heights is a hop skip and a jump away from Logan. Like literally, I could probably walk out my front door, and see some of that city. Cache Valley has so many unknown cities within it. Like Hyde Park. Who knew that was there? Anyway back to River Heights. Me and my roommate Emily had no idea where that was. Maybe we are naive. Maybe we are pathetic. I do not know. But we were having the hardest time. Our FHE pa had given us directions and had even called us as we were getting more and more lost and gave us more directions. Maybe he was bad at giving directions. Maybe we are bad at following his directions. But we were hopelessly lost. Some of the streets had numbers, some just had names. Most had dead ends. When it reached the half hour mark of trying, we had hit our frustration point. We agreed to not go, because we were embarassingly late, but try to keep finding it so that we didn't run into the same problem the next time we went to his house. We ended up not trying, but just driving aimlessly around wherever our hearts desired. We drove up and down one main road a dozen or so times. Taking different turns off of it, but always ending back on it again. Somehow. Finally, we decided to turn down the first turn on the main road. Why didn't we think of that one before? We were driving down that road for a bit, when the same road decided to change names. It changed from a name, to a number. Lo and behold! The name it decided to change to was the road we needed to be on! WE FOUND IT!!! And it only took ONE WHOLE HOUR! As we passed the house we could see into the front room where everyone was gathered. They were saying the closing prayer. Ha! We timed that perfectly. We turned around, and easily, way too easily, found our way home. As we were approaching our turn to go to our apartment, a pizza delivery car passed us. "Mmmm. Pizza sounds good." I said. We turned to each other, gave one another that pizza longing look, and drove right by that road to home and on to Little Ceasers. As we pigged out Emily introduced me to the movie "The Labyrinth" to honour our little trip through the "River Heights Maze". What a weird, bizarre, and totally hilarious show! And how amazing that tonight, a seemingly ordinary night, produced such a marvelous adventure! Now all I have to worry about is what I am going to say when I see my pa next.... Well Brett, I am dumb and cannot follow directions. Fortunately, we finally did find the house, but decided to not go in but get pizza instead! Hmmm... I wonder how he will take it? =)

He Knows

Last year I lived in Old Farm. Bleh. I loved my roommates for sure, but absolutely HATED the ward. It was definitely one of the worst wards I have so far experienced. Too cliquey. Not friendly. Just a bunch of self righteous, stuck up, holier than thou, kind of people. I was ecstatic to leave!

I am now in the 55th ward, and it is a complete turn around! Pretty much everyone is older, not many freshman at all! And everyone, and I do mean EVERYONE!, is so gosh dang friendly! If they notice you, they talk to you, end of story! And you don't feel like they are talking to you because they have a calling, or have set a goal to see how many people they can talk to in a day. They are genuinely interested in getting to know you and being your friend. And the bishopric is... there are not words to describe how utterly amazing they are. They act like they are the best of buds, and know who you are and where you come from, and they don't ever forget. They care about you. They want to be there for you. And you just cant help but to trust them. I am so thankful for them! Words just are not adequate enough!!!

So anyway, last Sunday much to my surprise I find out that there are actually THREE Relief Society's in our ward. (And only one Priesthood Quorum.... of course!) Welcome to Utah! Guys apparently need to step it up! So as the three Relief Society Presidencies are getting called and sustained, a sick feeling just comes over me. My Relief Society president's name is Breanna. I adore her! I was only able to come to my ward a few times over the summer because life was so crazy hectic, but it was enough. Breanna knew me. I would walk into Relief Society and Breanna would rush to my side and bombard me with questions about school, roommates, the job search, my social life. Everything! Not only did she remember my name, which my last Relief Society president failed to do, she remembered my apartment number, my major, pretty much everything I had ever told. She honeslty made me feel so welcome! Last year I detested going to Relief Society. This year, I couldn't wait!

So then I find out that they are splitting the girls in the ward into three groups. And I find out that I was no longer in Breanna's Relief Society. Not gonna lie, it was a bitter moment for me. I was like "I finally get something good, and it's taken away from me?! Are you freaking kidding me??!!!!" I definitely had a pissed off attitude about the whole affair. So I walk into my new Relief Society today, bitter and ornery... of course, and the president (Natalie) walks right up to me and says "Your Kristi right? From Highlander D?" Wow. I sure didn't remember her. I guess I had sat next to her in Sunday School the last week. I was very impressed that she would remember. So the lesson starts. You know those lessons where everythig is directed at you? And the spirit is so strong you feel like you can almost reach out and touch it? And the whole time you're thinking to yourself, "I hope I don't cry. Please don't cry."? Well today was like that for me.

As I was sitting there, I recieved this overwhelming feeling that this is right. That THIS is where I belong. Words cannot express the peace that came to me today. So this is me telling you, whoever you are, that God knows YOU! He KNOWS what YOU need! He knows what I need! We may not agree at first, we may have put on our pissy pants at His council, but in the end, its right. He really does love us. He really does know each one of us individually. I don't know how I know, I just do.

Today was a good day. I was able to go to the three meetings in the regualar church block, to the CES Fireside with Sister Dalton, and to ward prayer. And in every single meeting, I felt the Spirit whispering to me "I'm here. This is for you. Pay attention. And I won't leave you." I know I have said it before, but I will say it again, and many times more I am sure, but the Church is True! It is 100% undeniably true. Without a doubt. TRUE.

Blunt with the Bishop

At the beginning of each year in a singles ward the bishopric usually sets time to meet with each apartment and get to know them a little bit better. Today was our turn. Just a little roommate background first, Emily is the only other LDS girl in my apartment. Su Su and Geri our non-members and Crystal is inactive. Crystal is also accompanied by her boyfriend Wes (he lives here with us). The last couple of weeks we have been having so much drama with Crystal and Wes. Let's face it, having a boy roommate is just awkward and uncomfortable. It's becoming a worse and worse problem as time goes on. Me and Emily have talked about it extensivly, but we just didn't really know what to do about it. It is very much illegal for him to be living with us, but we don't want to be back in elementary and play the tattle-tale game. So we decided that maybe this meeting with the bishopric today might be a good opportunity to tell them about what is going on and see what they think.
I was hoping that somehow it would just come out naturally in the conversation. No such luck of course! At the end of the meeting the bishop asks "Is there anything else you would like to tell us about yourselves?" Me and Emily look at each other, questioning with our eyes if we should or shouldn't, and which one of us is going to take the plunge. So I finally just turn to the bishop and say, very bluntly, "Well, Bishop. We have a boy roommate." Just like that. ha ha it was way funny. No preamble, just stated it baldly. What I should have said is something like this "Well, we wanted to talk to you about our situation and see what you guys think..." Oh man, their reactions were hilarious. I could tell they were trying to hold in laughter with all their might! The bishop just smiles and says "Well sisters, that IS a matter of concern for your bishopric!" Can I just say... I LOVE MY NEW BISHOPRIC! They asked us who our landlord was and said they would be giving him a call within the week so that we didn't have to. They also went on and on how totally unfair that is to us and how we shouldn't have to deal with that in our lives. They even thanked us for telling them so that they could correct the situation for us. WOW! What was the funniest part though was as we were about to leave one of the bishopric memebers asks "So girls, do you have ANY MORE secrets to share with us that we can fix for you??" ha ha ha ha Me and Emily walked out, turned the corner, and both busted a gut laughing so hard.
I may have not said things very well, but at least things are going to be taken care of! ha ha ha I can only imagine what the bishopric is thinking about me... but oh well.... at least they were super nice about it!

CLOSURE

I have sadly, and pathetically, been in love with the same boy since I was twelve years old. I tried to stop, but he would always suck me back in. We would fight, not be friends for a while, but again, he would suck me back in. He was my best friend through all of my crazy growing up teenage years, and pretty much knew me better than anyone else on the planet, and I him.

He has been gone for two long years serving a mission, and today I went to his homecoming. For the two years that I did not see him I desperately wanted and wished and prayed for and hoped that when the time came for me too see him again, I would not, once again, be sucked back in by my own personal black hole. Now don't get me wrong. He is an amazing friend. He is an amazing person. But my love for him was the unrequited kind, the hellish kind, and so therefore no good for me. I desperately needed to move on and put the past behind me. As I was driving to his homecoming today, I had a full, blown out anxiety attack just thinking about facing him again. I was nauseous, dizzy, and shaking uncontrollably. I could hardly sit still while I was driving. I kept tapping my foot and drumming my fingers and grasping and wringing my hands around the steering wheel like you would not believe! When I pulled into the parking lot of the church my heart nearly beat right out of my chest. I started hyperventilating. I asked myself a thousand times why in the heck was I putting myself through this aggravation??!!! But after all, we had been friends for a long time. I knew if I didn't come to see him he would be hurt, and I knew I would have to face him again someday... so why not today?

I took a few million steadying breaths and walked into the church as calmly as I could. And it was amazing. Today was absolutely amazing. You know in the movie "27 Dresses" when she finally gets to kiss the man she has been in love with for so many years, and she feels nothing, not a thing! Well, today I had my "27 dresses" moment. I was able to look at him and not get butterflies. I was able to hug him and not have lightning bolts shoot up and down my spine. I even listened to him sing one of the most beautiful songs I have ever heard, with the most amazing voice, and it did not even melt my heart or bring me to tears. I walked into that church building with a sense of nervous anxiety. I walked out with a smile on my face. Today was a day of closure. The day I put my past officially behind me. I hope that we can stay close friends still, but I am eternally grateful for the peace and joy that moving on, finally moving on, has brought.

Hallelujah I am free at last! FREE AT LAST!!

A Month of Goodbyes

Whew.... summer flew by so fast. TOO fast! This year, summer was amazing. I went to Bear Lake a grand total of nine times in one summer. I believe that is my record. I got to see tons of family, tons of friends. I was finally, finally, finally able to go back to school. And managed to get fairly decent grades to boot! (And if you know me, and know how hard my nutrition class was for me, you will know that the last sentence was in no way a sentence of bragging. More of a sentence of relief and shock) And I also had a great miracle happen to me this summer. This summer, will officially and forevermore be known, as the summer that I beat all three siblings on the tan contest! (That brother of mine is a tough one to beat!)
So this August has been the month of goodbyes. I say goodbye to summer. I sadly say goodbye to my nice tan skin. I say goodbye to being warm(keep in mind I live in Logan), long days lying on a beach, my open sun roof, and everything else that goes along with that season.
But I have also had to say goodbye to three very, very good friends this month. One is moving to Canada, the other two are going on missions. These goodbyes were horribly hard. These goodbyes were goodbyes to three of my very best friends in the entire world. I was actually able to spend an entire day with Kelsey and Lorissa, not so much with Alejandra. I am so glad we three got that time together though. They handled it so well, I on the other hand came home and bawled my eyes out. But I am so proud of these friends, and I know they are moving on to bigger and better things in their lives.
So right now, at this moment, everything changes. Everything is new. New season. New classes. New roommates. New ward. New friends. New experiences. New everything. Bring it on!

Summer Lovin'

My Favorite Things About Summer:

• Spending long, lazy days laying on a beach at Bear Lake getting burned to a crisp
• Falling asleep in a tent when its raining outside, then waking up in that tent to the fresh, after storm, nature smell
• When your fishing pole bends in half and you reel in that big old fat fish
• Reading great books on a blanket in the grass
• Sitting outside on those perfect summer nights for no reason at all except that missing it and staying in the house would be dreadful
• Family BBQ’s
• Water Fights
• Fireworks
• Cranking up the AC in the house
• Random, spontaneous vacations
• All the good movies come out
• Wearing flip flops so much you get flip flop tan lines
• Blasting the Beach Boys in your car because that is just so appropriate for summer
• Moving into a new apartment with a new ward. Summer is a fresh start
• Your skin becomes so dark you could be mistaken for a Mexican
• Everyone you know is having some kind of adventure or another
• Going to bed freezing because the AC is blasting, and then waking up sweating because the sun is pouring through your window
• The world is green and bright and happy! With lots and lots of flowers!
• More people are outside than ever. Unlike winter where everyone stays indoors and hide away.
• Opening the sun roof in my car
• Playing random things like volleyball, bocce, croquet, and badminton
• Roasting hot dogs, marshmallows, and starburst over a campfire
• Eating watermelon, corn on the cob, and Fruit Heights cherries
• When the temperature reaches above 100 and your skin starts to burn just by stepping outside
• Popcorn popping on the Apricot trees
• Little kids lemon aid stands by the side of the road
• Unexpected summer rainstorms
• Swimming
• Riding a wave runner so hard and fast that you can’t walk right for a week
• Going horseback riding in the mountains
• Four wheeler rides
• Buying snow cones at the little snow cone shacks
• Hearing the ice cream mans music and know that every kid in the neighborhood is getting excited at that very same moment
• It’s family reunion time
• Lagoon days
• Cherry Hill days
• Running in hot sand to get to the ice cold water that your burning feet are sure to appreciate
• Rafting down rivers
• Going to the zoo
• Independence Day, my favorite holiday
• When your clothes smell like campfire smoke
  
• The majority of your days are fun filled days

I LOVE SUMMER!!!

Miracles Happen!

I have been financially stressed hardcore! So this past Sunday I decided that's what I needed to fast for. I had a car payment due in three days, and absolutely no way to pay it. I was also running out of food...which is not exactly a happy situation to be in. So Sunday I fasted, went to church, prayed for help pretty much continuously all day long, and read my scriptures.... a lot! So the next morning I wake up and there is a message on my phone from my mom telling me that my Old Farm deposit check had come that day. And guess what? It was the exact amount of my car payment and groceries for the week! Oh blessed day!
So that night I was thinking about my financial situation some more. Even if I found a job soon I still wouldn't have enough time to work, get a few paychecks, and save for my next car payment. And how in the heck was I going to pay for groceries next week??? I got completely stressed and worried all over again. So the next morning I went into the kitchen to get some breakfast, and sitting on the counter there was a letter for me from JC Penney Portrait Studio. I open it up and inside there is my last paycheck. Except it was about 200 dollars more than I was expecting to get! This paycheck can not only make my July car payment, but buy me groceries for the rest of June as well!
And as if that were not enough, I also received an e-mail the same day telling me that my request for financial aid for school had been accepted! I get to go back to school! Woo Hoo!
Moral of the story, PRAYERS ARE ANSWERED AND THE CHURCH IS TRUE!!!!! Amen. =D

I thought life was hard....

I thought my life was hard. I just lost my job. I may not be able to go back to school because I cannot afford it. My family is going through some very difficult trials. I just got "dumped" for lack of a better word. My friends are facing some of the hardest challenges of their lives. And for some reason, I thought I had it pretty bad.


I don't know what bad is.



I received an e-mail from my best friend from high school who is currently serving a mission in Washington D.C. He told me about a woman that he has been teaching. Her name is Helen and she just came to the United States from Africa. Helen was the oldest of seven children. When she was a little girl it was her job to go out begging for food on the streets. Sometimes her family were so hungry they would eat their own feces just to have something to put into their mouths. A few of her siblings as well as her father died from malnutrition and starvation. When Helen was nine years old her mother sold her into slavery so that she could keep her other children alive. Helen was then sold from family to family for the next ten years of her life. The families would give her an enormous amount of work to do, and if she didn't finish them efficiently enough, or get them done within the day, she was beaten or whipped, sometimes bringing her inches near death. Finally when she was 19 years old she ran away to an embassy and stowed away onto a ship that was headed for the United States. When she arrived she had no money, no food, no clothing, nothing. She had completely lost hope. ..... and then she ran into the missionaries.

Helen is now baptized, has a home with a member in her ward, and has a family within that ward. The church is helping her to get an education so that she can work and support herself. I almost can't even believe this story to be true. It's something you hear about in movies. I know that their must be thousands of stories, just like Helen's however. Sometimes I think that if I don't get a job, or finish school, or marry prince charming it's going to be the end of the world. I have been praying nonstop for life to get better. And then this e-mail comes from my friend. It wasn't exactly the answer that I wanted, but it was the answer that I got. I don't need to have a perfect life. I just need to be humble enough to be grateful for the things I do have.

So here it is. My Grateful List:
I am grateful for. . . . .
1. My Mom
2. My Dad
3. Cassie
4. Jessica
5. Zach
6. My Grandparents
7. My Aunts and Uncles
8. My Cousins
9. Jason
10. Kelsey
11. Lorissa
12 TaLisha
13. Amanda
14. Shalese
15. Breanna
16. Betsy
17. Ryan
18. Jack
19. Alejandra
20. Amber
21. Tyler
22. Fruit Heights 4'th Ward and everyone in it!
23. The gospel, and EVERYTHING to do with it!
Just to name a few.... There are just so many more!



I may not have everything going for me right now, but I sure do have a heck of a lot of people to back me up!!!


My friend Amber framed this quote for me, and it has quickly become one of my favorites:

I have come to the frightening conclusion that I am the decisive element. It is my personal approach that creates the climate. It is my daily mood that makes the weather. I possess tremendous power to make a life miserable or joyous. I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration. I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal. In all situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisis will be escalated or de-escalated and a person humanized or de-humanized. If we treat people as they are, we make them worse. If we treat people as they ought to be, . . . . we help them become what they are capable of becoming.
-GOETHE-

Ding Dong the Wicked Witch is Dead!

I got fired from my job. Yup. After all I have been through, I got fired. Want the story? Here it is.























Last week Wednesday was my day off and Thursday I was scheduled to work the night shift. However on Thursday morning I get a message from Colby (the Riverdale manager that is managing our studio for a while) telling me that I did not need to come into work that day. So I don't. Friday I am scheduled to work the morning shift. I walk in and as I am about to clock in, Kristin (a girl from Riverdale who comes to our studio to help out because we are so short handed) tells me that I do not have to clock in that day. I ask why. And this is no joke, with a smile on her face she says "Because Colby has decided to fire you." And then she starts laughing, actually laughing in my face and tells me to call Colby if I have any questions. Any questions? Try a million questions! And just as a side note, if I had to tell someone they were being fired, I would be devastated. I would probably cry while telling them. I might be mistaken, but I think most human beings would. I have a suspicion that Kristin is not human. She was more than thrilled to deliver that little peice of news.

So back to the story. I walk out to my car and give Colby a call. I ask her what happened and she said that she fired me because I didn't show up for work on Thursday. I told her about the message I had gotten that morning and she claimed that she had "accidentally" sent that message on Wednesday. She then admits to me that she has been really mean to me on purpose trying to get me to quit because she wants "out with the old, and in with the new." I am not quite sure what she is getting at so I confront her about the message again. So she tells me. She says "Well, I was trying so hard to break you. But you didn't break. I was actually surprised you lasted as long as you did. But eventually I had to take matters into my own hands. I am so relieved I don't have to deal with you anymore." Thats a direct quote, my friends. My boss sabotaged me.

At first, I was SO pissed. How can someone do something like that in the professional world and get away with it??!!! But as I have been thinking about it . . . . Oh the RELIEF! I NEVER have to see Colby again! I NEVER have to work with her, or be yelled at by her, or be called a B****! I don't ever have to suffer at her hand again! She is relieved to be rid of me?! Hell NO! I am relieved to be rid of HER!

(My co-worker Wayne and I have had many conversations about how Colby makes both of us swear more than any other person we know. So as you read my blog, and I swear a lot while talking about my job, it's because of her! I promise I usually do not have such a dirty mouth! Just wanted you to all know that!)

So anywho.... I am a little more than freaked out about what I am going to do now. I applied for a hostess job at a restraunt the other day and they told me that they had recieved 508 applications in FIVE DAYS! 508!!!!! There are so many people without jobs in Logan, and that really freaks me out. For every job, there are literally hundreds and hundres of people. That is terrible odds! I don't know how I am going to pay for Buzz (my car). I don't know how I will pay for rent. Or school. Or gas. Or even food. But one thing is for sure, I would rather sell Buzz, move home with my parents (ah!), quit school, and starve to death rather than ever have to work with such a witch again! And that's the truth!!!

Hell is Everlasting

Let me start out by saying, I hate my job. In case you hadn't picked up on that in earlier posts, now you know. I. Hate. My. Job. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.
Our manager has quit and until we find a new manager the Riverdale manager is taking over for a while. We are also short employees, so occasionally she brings some of her employees up to help out. Well, as I walked in to work today I overheard my manager talking to one of her employees from Riverdale. She was saying how we had a really good sales average so far that day. It was about a $75 sales average, and our goal is $60. She then said this "However, I know it will drop because Kristi and Wayne are working the night shift, and let's face it, Kristi is not a very good photographer, and Wayne is not a very good sales person. So basically with both of them together, they will manage to kill our sales averager quite nicely." Wow. Thanks for the self esteem boost there. I hadn't even been there a minute, and wanted to go jump off a cliff. The rest of the time she is there she keeps up a constant trashing of me, of how the Logan studio is run, of the employees that work, or have worked there, and pretty much everything else that comes to her mind. She follows me into my first siting and gives me ideas for poses and props to use and oh my heck I have worked there for more than a year! I freaking know how to do my job, so leave me the heck alone!!! Did I mention I hate my job?

Let me just end by saying that Wayne and I left the studio sitting at about a $95 sales average. Suck that Colby!

Studio Hell

This week at work has seriously been the week from hell! Sorry for the language, but no other word fits what I have been through this week! My manager announced that she was quitting, without even a week's notice. I am pretty sad about this because this is the first manager that I have had that has not totally driven me to insanity. She is respectful of us, knows how to do her job, and keep the studio running efficiently. She also cares about us, which is a definite first! And then I find out that every other employee is quitting too! Every singe one! .... Everyone that is, except me. I am so sad because my co-workers is the only reason I even like my job at all! I feel like I am losing a ton of friends! Its also going to be very stressful to be the only one there who knows what they are doing. Getting so many new people, with a new manager, is going to be a very hard change indeed! So I know that all of this stress is coming as I start the week off. I try to gear up for it, get myself ready, but there was no way I could have ever been prepared for what was about to happen!
First off, let me explain how scheduling at the studio goes. For every appointment we have in an hour, that's how many employees have to be there. We have a lot of on call shifts when our schedules are written, because we don't know how many appointments we will have that day. A lot of times only one person is needed, so the rest get called off. This schedule can sometimes be inconvenient, because you never know when you are actually going to work. Well, my manager was scheduled every single day last week, but every day she would come to the studio, look at our appointments, see that someone would need to be called off, and then call herself off since it was her last week anyway. That was fine and all, except I was picking up most of her slack. I opened and closed for her. I covered her shifts. I handled the call off schedules. Basically, I was playing manager. It was super stressful... until Thursday.
Thursday was supposed to be my one and only day off. However, one of my co-workers wanted to go snowboarding so I told her I would cover her shift for her, wanting the extra hours. Thursday was also supposed to be my managers last day, but once again, she called herself off and asked me to open instead. When I got there I saw that we had two appointments an hour and that the night shift had already done the call offs for that day. I was glad to see that I would be working with Haley. She is one of our top photographers and one of my favorite people to work with. I was also kind of relieved because I knew that with her there I would most likely not be in the camera room, but be on enhancing and sales. I like being the photographer, don't get me wrong, but day after day with no day off, it can get pretty tiring. So I was pretty excited to get a break. Well Haley calls me and tells me that she is way sick and is not able to come in that day. I tell her that I can't handle it by myself so she needs to get her shift covered. She ends up coming in anyway. She works for a little while, but is just too sick. She is fortunate enough to find someone to come in right away so that she can leave. I thought that would be fine because we had enough people to handle the appointments. However, Haley was supposed to work the entire day, and she only got her morning shift covered. The morning shift is there from 10 to 2 and then we close the studio down for an hour, and the next shift comes in at three. Well, I realized that Haley had not gotten her whole shift covered, so call her and leave a message that she needs to come back in at three. We have three appointments in that hour, but Jessica won't be here until 3:30 because she has class. Wayne will be there at three, but he is not trained in photography, so it is pretty vital that Haley be there.
So anyway, I go home at two when my shift is over and just hope that Haley got the message. I figure that if she hasn't Wayne will just give me a call and I will run back down there and cover for Haley until Jessica can come in at 3:30 and handle things from there. Well, I didn't get a call so I figure everything went alright. That night Heidi called me and told me that she had to run to Salt Lake City the next day or else she was going to fail her class. I tell her that we have about five appointments the next day, and without her help only four people to do them. I tell her to try to find someone to cover her shift, but if she can't then we will just have to make it work. The next morning I wake up to a text from Haley saying she is too sick again to work and asked if I would go open for her. I tell her about how Heidi is not coming in, so that leaves us two short, but apparently she was throwing up all night so there was nothing she could do about it. I am sorry she is sick, but was seriously getting worried about how we would survive that day being so shorthanded. I get to the studio earlier than usual, just to try to make a game plan for how to handle things. As soon as I walk through the doors I am instantly bombarded by a J C Penney's manager. She informs me that NO ONE showed up for the Thursday night shift. Not Haley. Not Wayne. Not even Jessica. The studio was never re-opened after lunch, and we had six appointments show up to a dark and deserted studio. The J C Penney's managers got all of our complaints, and none of them are happy with us. This particular manager starts yelling at me.... as if it were my fault?!... but I just listen and take it and apologize that she was inconvenienced. I then make my way to the studio and look up our appointments for that day.... and literally start to freak out. There are SEVEN appointments in the first hour, not five like I thought. And without Haley and Heidi, there are only two of us working, not three like I thought. I seriously start panicking! We have two appointments at 10:00. One at 10:10. One at 10:20. Two at 10:30. And one at 10:40. I started a calling frenzy. First I called a manager and asked her what to do. All she said was that Haley would be written up and to just do the best I can. It didn't really help. I start calling every single employee, trying to find someone to come in and help us out. Three people are out of town. Two people are sick. I finally get a hold of Ashley P. and Megan and they are willing to rush down and help us out, even though neither of them were even scheduled that day. They literally saved our butts, I don't know how we would have done it. Ashley M. and I are the photographers that day, so we take turns in the camera room, we were a little behind schedule, but all things considered I think we were surviving fairly well. However, that day I had three J C Penney's managers come and yell at me for Thursday night and Angela the district leader call and yell at me too. I don't really understand why everyone thinks this was my fault or responsibility, but I was pretty close to breaking point with everyone talking to me like that.
So anyway, we get our early morning shift appointments taken care of and send Ashley P. and Megan home, thanking them profusely as they leave. We think we have everything under control, and are starting to breath easy again. Little did we know.....
One of our appointments shows up 15 minutes late.... that is a HUGE problem at the studio because it really, really puts us behind. I rush her into the camera room, but am kind of worried because we are starting to get backed up and Devil Woman (that's what I call her) has six kids under the age of twelve. She wants individuals of all of her kids. Then she wants to change everyone's outfits and do the girls together, and then the boys together. I already know it was going to take forever even before we started, and Devil Woman is so agitated and ornery that I know I am in for a real treat. So I start taking the boys individual pictures, everything is going pretty smoothly. We then start taking the one year old's pictures. Devil Woman brought in some flowers to be in the pictures for the babies, but one of the flowers had popped off its stem and she started looking for it frantically. We can't find it anywhere, after searching FOREVER, so I say we just need to move it along because we are getting really behind now and it was cute with the flowers she did have. That really set Devil Woman off. She gets mad at her oldest son because she thinks it's his fault that the flower is missing. She grabs him by the shoulders and starts shaking him and calls him a stupid idiot. She then tells her four year old to stop being such a dumb ass. I was shocked at how she was talking to her kids. It was so uncalled for. Tensions are running pretty high, and I am doing the best I can to move things along because we have two appointments already out waiting for their turn. Devil Woman changes everyone's clothes and we start on the group shots. We get the boys done and start on the girls. Then the oldest boy finds the missing flower, and Devil Woman says she wants to change the babies clothes back so we can re-do the pictures we have already taken. I nicely, put my foot down and tell her that we just don't have time to do what we have already done again. She then throws, and I mean literally throws her baby to the ground, a drop of about five feet. The babies teeth jam up into her upper lip and she starts spurting blood everywhere and is screaming her head off. Devil Woman yells at the baby to "shut the hell up", then yells at her other kids for being no help, and by then I had had it with her! I tell her that she does not need to take her frustrations out on her kids, it made me so angry that she just abused her kids, and felt no remorse for it. She then runs to me, puts her face an inch from mine, and says as loudly as she can "Don't tell me how to raise my kids, you bitch!" I was appalled! She had NO right to talk to me like that or to abuse her kids! I was furious. I started enhancing her pictures, and Ashley came in to set up for the next sitting, when she saw my face she asked if I was ok. I started bawling. I couldn't take it anymore. I had had enough. That was the final straw to the worst day at work I have ever had. I spent the next twenty minutes going in and out of the bathroom, trying to gain some control, but I was literally having an emotional breakdown. I was hyper ventilating and crying and shaking so bad I couldn't even hold a pen. Ashley finally just told me to go home and she would handle things. I had no choice. I had no control, and had to leave. I don't know what came over me or why I couldn't handle that. I seriously lost it. I made the biggest fool of myself that day, I am so embarassed. But enough was enough, and I had enough!
I am going to re-pay Ashley for being so sweet to me that day. I don't know what I would have done if I was forced to stay. I am still pretty upset with all of my other co-workers for being so irresponsible about their shifts because the people who actually show up to work are the one's who suffer. What makes me even angrier is that there won't be any consequences to deal with for them. They are all quitting their jobs anyways, so pretty much couldn't care less. My job just keeps getting more and more stressful every single day. I am at the point where I dread going to work. I dread the customers, the appointments, working with people I am so angry with. I am stressed. I am tired. I wish I was done too, but I unfortunately need the money. I have been frantically looking for another job, but so far nothing has come from anything. I wish with all of my heart that I could quit. I have never wanted anything more. Life at the studio is hell.... always!

General Conference=Happiness!

I don't know about you, but I personally thought General Conference was AMAZING this time! Elder Jeffrey R. Holland's talk was by far my favorite! I seriously did not want him to stop talking. He left me wanting more and more and more! I probably could have listened to him all day long. And not gonna lie, I was pretty much crying through the entire thing. I just can't wait until the Ensign comes out and I can read it again and again and again! So that talk was my favorite, and here are all of my favorite quotes . . . . .

-- “You cannot do a Google search to gain a testimony.”
M. Russell Ballard

-- “Our obligation is to love and to teach and to never give up.”
Quentin L. Cook

-- “There is no tragedy in death, only in sin.”
Rafael E. Pino

--”Don’t complain. Be thankful the Lord puts trust in you to overcome.”
Richard G. Scott

--”We have to stay with it. Its not a sprint to eternal happiness. It’s a race of endurance.”
-- “ Heavenly Father loves us even with our flaws. We may give up on ourselves, but He never will.”
Dieter F. Uchtdorf

--“Our knowledge should not make us feel superior, but bring us to our knees in humility.”
-- He does not ask us to keep our distance, but asks us to come unto Him.”
Neil L. Andersen

--”When you feel like grunting, laugh instead.”
Steven E. Snow

-- “There will be nothing in this world that can defeat us.”
-- “Your future is as bright as your faith.”
President Thomas S. Monson

--“You can’t be a lifesaver if you look like all the other swimmers on the beach.”
Dallin H. Oaks

-- “You are never lost when you can see the temple”
-- “You might need some home improvement, hopefully not an extreme home makeover.”
Gary E. Stevenson

The Curse of Public Laundry!

I have needed to do laundry for . . . um . . . ages now! I have seriously avoided this for as long as possible. It was getting to the point where I was either wearing really old clothes, like clothes I had in high school, or just semi-stinky clothes. It was disgusting.... and sad. So I had to work today and decided that last night I had better get my act together and do some laundry so I would not stink at work ha ha. You just don't know how painful it is to watch so much of your money go to a machine that you can use for free at home. So anway, I load up my basket, get the soap, and a gazillion quarters of course, and head over to the laundry room. When I walked in there was a boy and girl sitting on the counters pretty deep in conversation, and you can tell its a serious conversation too cause the girls eyes are all red and puffy like she had been crying. So basically awkwardness hung in the air when I walked in and interrupted this deep conversation, but what's a girl to do? I needed cleanliness to come back into my life! And it would have been even worse if I walked in, saw them, and then walked out again. I just decided to be as quick as I can. Well, between putting my laundry in. Leaving. Coming back to put my loads in the dryer. Leaving. And coming back to pick up my clothes, they did not leave the entire time. I really was not trying to eaves drop, but come on, it echoes in there! So between all that, this was the gist of their relationship... oh yes, I got the dirt. And it was uncomfortable!

So basically the guy is LDS and the girl is not. They are boyfriend/girlfriend and of course, having problems. From what I could tell, the girl swears a lot and the guy is uncomfortable with her language and has asked her not to swear around him anymore. She said that she has respect for his language and so he should have respect for hers. She has grown up with that all of her life, and should not be expected to change just because she is dating him. This was all in the first time I was there.

The second time I was there the boy was talking more deeply of what we beleive. He said that when you know the truth, your desire to do good is a pretty much constant thing. He sounded like he was trying to convert her. She looked exasperated. She told him that he treats her like she is unworthy of him and that he is somehow abover her and better than she is. Ouch.

The third time I was there they were trying to decide what to do now. Do they break up? Do they work things out? Well, whatever they decide, I wish them the best. But seriously, one of the most awkward moments of my life. This is the curse of laundry!

Cali Baby!

This year Disneyland is letting you get in for free on your birthday. What a wonderful idea! My older sister Cassie and I were talking about how we should take an opportunity like that and go. And well, her birthday was coming up next, so we did! By the time we really decided to go we had about a month or so to start saving every single cent that came our way. I literally survived off of No Breakfast, Top Ramen for lunch, and 99 cent Tostina frozen pizzas for dinner for about a month or longer. And even though I will never be able to eat those food items again for as long as I live, it was worth it!!!

It was a pretty short trip but oh so much fun! We left on a Wednesday at about 6:00 am. We drove all day, me and Cassie switching off and Jessie sleeping in the back seat. We got to Cali at about four and checked into our hotel. After getting checked in and unpacked we decided to find a beach. We came across Seal Beach not to far away from the hotel. We walked down the pier, played in the sand, and took lots of pictures

The next day we went to two more beaches. First was Venice Beach, which was my favorite by far. We walked along the boardwalk shops, met some VERY interesting people, ate lunch in the sand, played in the water, took even more pictures, and even had a little spat with some seagulls. Then it was off to Lahoya (I don't know if I spelled that right). This beach is the beach where all the seals come. There were probably about 60 or so seals lying on the beach, and they were a ton of fun to watch. There were even some really cute babies that totally cracked me up. After watching the seals we went to the other side of the pier and watched the sunset. It was so beautiful!

On Friday we went to Disneyland and I don't think I have ever felt like such a little kid in a really long time. It was amazing! My favorite rides were: Splash Mountain, Submarine Nemo, Space Mountain, Indiana Jones, Its A Small World, Teacups, and Buzz Light Year.... Wow, I have lots of favorites, but they were just SO MUCH FUN!

On Saturday we went to California Adventures. None of us had been there before, and it was definitely different than what I expected, but very fun! My favorite rides there would have to be Soaring over California, Toy Story Ride, The Roller Coaster, The water ride similar to Lagoon but like ten times better, and of course, The Tower of Terror!

On Sunday we drove home. Not gonna lie, by the end of the trip I was exhausted! I seriously don't think we sat down for two seconds the entire time! I had so much fun! I am so grateful I got to share this time with my sisters! We got along great and I am so happy we decided to do this. Except next time I think we need to bring along Brother. I think he was a little disapointed that we left him home. Whats worse is while we were gone he broke his wrist.... poor baby brother!

Bye Bye Charlie

Charlie died. He is gone forever and will be sorely missed. Charlie may not have always been reliable, but he always got me from point A to point B. He may have been loud, shaky, and at times smelled like a dead cat, but he was mine. He may not have been beautiful on the inside, but on the outside he was.... alright. We sure did have some good times! Road trips to SLC, Bear Lake, Park City, Provo, and once even to Rexburg. And you can't forget those thousands of trips between Fruit Heights and Logan, Logan and Preston. Yes, he was a good first. I will forever miss my Charlie, even if he was just a hunk of junk. Goodbye Charlie. Goodbye.

Some Fond Memories:
-- Scraping Both Sides of My Windshield in the Winter
--My First Flat Tire
-- Pulled Over by the Cops..... Four Times
--My First Speeding Ticket
--Door Leaking While in the Car Wash
--Using a Spatula to Stop the Rattling Noises
--Getting Booted Twice, and Towed Once
-- Those Many DHS and USU Parking Tickets
-- My First Car Accident
--Running Over a Dead Deer, and Having It's Eyeball Hang On My Bumper
--Getting Chased by Two Crazy Mexican Ladies
-- Running Over a Boat Anchor on the Freeway
--Stalling in the Middle of an Intersection
--Being Unable to Turn Off My Emergency Lights For 15 Minutes While Driving in the Canyon
--Doing Donuts in Church Parking Lots
--Paying Thousands of Dollars to the Mechanic. Over and Over and Over Again.

A lot of updating to do...

I haven't been good at keeping this thing up to date, so I will try to catch up a little now. I last left off at Thanksgiving, so will start in December. The month of December I worked like a crazy man! The portrait studio was pure insanity the whole month. I don't understand why people seem to think that December is the perfect month for a family photo. Sure you need Christmas cards, but why wait to the last minute people? There are twelve months in the year, why not go when its less busy?? Just a thought. Anyway, the Christmas rush sure kept everyone on their toes. My manager was stressed that whole entire month, and it definitely carried over to the rest of us, and probably to the customers as well. But somehow we got through it alright. While I am talking about work, I will take this moment to say that I had the most uncomfortable sitting in my history of working as a photographer. I had to take pictures of a gay couple.... gross. I had to sit there and take pictures of them kissing and holding hands and hugging each other. I was pretty much throwing up in my mouth the whole time. I may sound closed minded.... and you would probably be right for thinking that. But this blog is not about gay rights, so I am moving on now.

My manager was considerate enough to group our days off together in the week, so when I had a break I went home to Fruit Heights to spend some time with the fam. I don't know what it is about the month of December, but it sure makes me homesick. I went home a lot! Having some of the highest seniority at my job I was one of the lucky ones when it came to working the holidays. I worked the morning shift of Christmas eve and was done by three, and the day after Christmas off (we were closed Christmas day). It was an amazing Christmas! We had the Paulsen party at my house this year. My tiny house was practically bursting at the seems, but it was good to see all the cousins, especially the ones that I haven't seen for a real long time! Christmas morning was pure insanity as well. My parents said they were definitely cutting back this year.... those liars! I was so spoiled! My favorite gifts this year were the wii, guitar hero, tickets to Brian Reagan, my ipod speaker, and my vacuum. And yes, I did in fact ask for a vacuum. If you saw my apartment, then you know why... sick. Speaking of the wii and guitar hero, come over and play with me! Seriously!!!

Jess and I in our matchy matchy pj's

After the opening present extravaganza we went back to bed of course. Brother insisted that Christmas starts at 5 am. We woke up a few hours later, ate breakfast, and drove to my grandparents house in Preston, Idaho. That day we opened even more presents, ate grandma's good cookin' until we were sick, played in the snow, and had a wicked awesome Disney Scene It game with the cousins. That game is so insanely intense! My throat hurt from yelling for like three days after that! ha ha so much fun!!! We got to spend the night there and that is always a riot. I love my Butt cousins!! {Butt is there last name just so ya'll know =D}

Let's see.... other December adventures include Gardener Village with the whole fam, having a brutal snow fight with my brother where we nearly killed one another, going to Preston with my sisters to help Pa and Grandma with their tree and Christmas decorations, making toffee and sugar cookies with my mom, and lots and lots of shopping! December was a GOOD month!!!

Zach and I playing in the snow


Cass and I at Gardener Village

New Years Eve.... ah.... that was....awful. Not gonna lie, one of the worst I have ever had. I had to close at work so didn't get off until about seven. I went home to a completely empty apartment, which I cleaned from top to bottom getting ready for a new roommate to move in. Using the new vacuum was fun though. I think I might have been doing dishes at midnight. I looked up and it was 12:15 so I kind of missed the whole midnight thing. I then thought about how utterly alone I was and cried for the next 15 or 20 minutes, missing him so much it hurt. When the good cry was over, I felt much better. I hurried and got ready for bed because I had to open at work the next morning. Yup, New Years sucked butt. The end.

So January.... what a bummer of a month ya know? I swear EVERYONE has the January blues right now. And everyone is going through some of the hardest trials right now! Of all the months of the year, I am pretty dang sure January is my least favorite. Last week I had surgery on my foot. It was a minor surgery, and one that I have needed for a while... but still.... bummer. I got really nervous before it too. See, doctors always seem to have a really hard time numbing me. At the dentist they have to give me about five shots before I am numb enough. When I had my spinal tap I was not numb at all which pretty much led to the worst hell I have ever been through. So yeah... I was nervous for the numbing part, and I was absolutely right to be. The numbing shots were horrible. Getting five inch needles shoved up the tenderest parts of your foot is not my idea of a picnic if ya know what I mean. The doctor gave me the usual amounts and then started cutting with the scalpel..... holy heck ow! I screamed out in pain, he gave me another shot. Started with the scalpel again, another scream, another shot. He would say every time "I am fairly certain you will be numb now." Um... excuse me.... but can you make absolutely sure that I will be numb? I would highly appreciate it! Duh! So anyway, it took about seven or eight times the shot that an average person would need to get me numb. After that, it was pretty much smooth sailing from then on. Boy what a difference it makes when you can't feel the sharp blade slicing your foot open!! Sheesh!

This is my beautiful foot, which I am sure you all wanna see

Well, the tough part is over and thank heavens for that! Recovery time is about two or three weeks depending on how fast I heal. I was on crutches for about a week, but today was the first time I walked, so I am happy to be rid of them! On Saturday I got the best surprise ever!! Kelsey, Daphne, and Lorissa drove down from Logan to see me! It was the sweetest thing any of my friends have ever done and meant the world to me! They brought me High School Musical balloons and cheesecake (boy do they know me or what?!!) We crammed on my bed, each with a fork in hand, pigging out, sharing gossip about old roommates and boys, and laughed so hard we cried. It was the perfect pick me up for my lame pity party I was having! I am so blessed with such amazing friends! I definitely don't deserve them! The Fabulous Balloons from the Fabulous Friends

Well, as you can tell I have the January blues just like everyone else. So here is my attempt at being positive. Some good things about this month are 1. I get a nice long break from work 2. I get to spend time with my family, I'm pretty sure that's a good thing anyway ha ha j/k 3. January means a fresh start, and after last year, I could really use one 4. I got a new roommate, and from what I can tell, we will get along great! 5. (the best for last) January 23 is the one year mark of when he left! That means I survived an entire year without him! I never thought I would be able to! I can now begin to start counting down months instead of years until he comes home and that is just all sorts of happy!

Well, thats all for now. If you yourself are suffering from the January blues just know that I love you and February is just around the corner so hang in there.