Twenty-nine

This month I have been celebrating me. Is that narcissistic? I don't think it really counts if its your birthday month. I have had a few people ask me how I feel about entering my last year of my twenties. It has made me reflect on my twenties, and honestly, I am not sad to see them go. While thirty does seem a tad too far on the adult side for my taste, I am perfectly fine with being twenty-nine. I used to hate birthdays, and I still do hate parts of birthdays, but for the most part, I enjoy them. I think birthdays are far better when you feel like you are settled in life, do you know what I mean? Like, I suppose I would feel completely different if I was 29 years old and living in my parent's basement playing video games all day, having accomplished nothing in my life. But I haven't wasted my twenties. I went to a few years of college. I made some amazing, lifelong friends. I got married. I had a kid. We bought a house. I work. Life is grand, really. And I am excited to see what the next chapter of my life looks like.

This year I think I celebrated my birthday for two weeks long. In fact, I am not even done celebrating as we haven't gotten the chance to have a Palmer family dinner yet. My wonderful, amazing mother took me and Leland for a three day excursion to Mesquite. My grandparents live just ten minutes away so they were kind enough to watch the kiddo so my mom and I could go to two productions at the Tuacahn, the most amazing outdoor theater in the world. This year we saw Peter Pan and the Hunchback of Notre Dame. They were both amazing, completely different, but absolutely spectacular. We also got to have a much needed pool day where my brave son went down the water slide all by himself and even swam in the pool without me holding him up- he just had on his wings. I love seeing him get braver and braver in the water, he is such a little fish! Anyway, it was a fast, but fun little get-away and much needed mommy and me time (and I am not talking about me and Leland haha.) A girl always needs her mom am I right?

For my birthday weekend Justin and I invited two families from our neighborhood to go to my parent's cabin in Bear Lake. We had never done anything with other families before, I felt like it was a big stepping stone into adulthood for us. We had so much fun playing games, watching movies, going to the beach, and riding four-wheelers. It was especially fun because each family has a son around Leland's age and the boys got along fantastically. My mom always told me that my friends would be my kid's friends parents- she was right- like always. I am glad that we found them and that we all get along so well. Hopefully we can do more with them in the future.

Remember that part that I hate on my birthdays? Well, that part is Facebook. I hate Facebook on my birthday. Hopefully I am not alone in feeling this way. I feel kind of selfish for even saying anything, but honestly, its the worst! The worst I tell you! For one day of the year I have friends and family coming out of the wood works to wish me a happy birthday. And all I can think about is where in the hell are all of you the other 364 days of the year??? Does anyone else feel like this? I definitely have a love/hate relationship with social media. I love that I can keep up with my far away family who lives in Florida, Oregon, Michigan, etc. But I also hate the flat relationships that social media can create. Actions speak louder then words after all, so all of the empty words that fill my news feed once a year leave me feeling empty inside. If you want me to know that you love me, show me. Call me. Go to lunch with me. Anything but write on my news feed once a year. I seriously hate that. I hate social media fake friendships. However, they definitely make me grateful for my REAL friends. The ones who show up and speak up. I am very lucky to have those friends in my life! Okay, enough of that whining. For the most part Facebook can be a good thing.... just not on September 2 haha.

To all of you that made my birthday wonderul this year, thank you. I love you all. I even love the ones who I only hear from once a year, but let's change that this year, shall we? :) As for pictures, I am far too lazy for that... go look at Facebook. ;)

Hey You. It's been a while.

I realize that my last decent post was in October. Wow, those holiday months really get away from me. A brief recap:

Thanksgiving: Was spent with the Palmers and Olsens. It was relaxed and good and also spent in sickness... those nasty colds!

Black Friday: Was spent in Bear Lake having a last photo shoot with the Wright family before my little brother left for his mission. The pictures turned out great even though my little family was so sick we wanted to die. For reals though.

Saturday after Black Friday: Was spent in the Preston area. It's tradition to go up the canyon and cut down our Christmas trees on that day. Fortunately for my lazy out of shape side, Leland is too small to hike up a mountain so we sent Daddy while we played in the snow with Tenley. Uncle Tyler made a snow slide and Leland though that was pretty great. After we got our trees we headed to the bed races down Main St. and then had lunch at Arctic Circle. We were thankfully feeling much better today.

First of December: Was full of Usborne booths for me.

Middle of December: Was full of lights, Christmas merriment, shopping, and you know, regular December type activities.

Christmas:

• Christmas Eve Eve: Went to the Olsen's for dinner, Santa, games, and gift exchange. Leland was too scared to sit on Santa's lap, so he made sure that Grandma Palmer was with him.
• Christmas Eve Morning: Breakfast with the Palmers and opening lots of presents.
• Christmas Eve: Drove to Bear Lake to meet the Wrights. We got our Christmas pajamas and watched Frozen while I did some assembly work for Santa
• Christmas Day: Had an absolute lovely day at the cabin in Bear Lake. We played games, ate food, laughed, exchanged presents, told stories. It was a grand sort of day. Christmas spent in a cabin is MAGICAL by the way!

New Years Eve: Was spent at the Palmers eating pizza, playing games, and watching the ball drop while throwing confetti and blowing horns. Not everyone made it to midnight but Leland and Tenley sure did! They were troopers!!

New Years Day: Was lazy. 

Beginning of January: All I could think about was how my little brother was leaving me for two years. It sucked. I spent five days at my parents house to soak up as much Zach time as I possibly could. The farewell went really well, he gave an amazing talk that made me bawl my eyes out. Dropping him off at the MTC was seriously SO MUCH HARDER than I thought it was going to be. My eyes ached from crying so much. Not fun! Not fun at all!!!!!!

Currently: Getting a letter from Brother was very exciting and he is doing very well! I took Leland to his first movie in the theater. We went and saw Penguins of Madagascar. He didn't make it though the whole thing but he lasted an hour, loved the big bucket of popcorn, and laughed out loud twice- I would call that a success! I had a booth in Malad today. I threw my SIL a wedding shower that I think turned out really good. I always get nervous for those kinds of things but I think it was a success. She is getting married in less than a week so I am sure this week will be full of preparations for the big day! I also have an Usborne conference in SLC this Saturday that I am really looking forward to!

Other: Leland started nursery and I am way happy about that. He has some separation anxiety but for the most part he does okay. I am suffering from the winter blues...grrrrr... I hate January. Is it over yet? We are talking about taking a REAL vacation this summer and we are having fun exploring our possibilities and deciding where to go. Thoughts? I am loving my calling as an activity leader... THE BEST CALLING EVER!!! I have also decided to join my wards book club and my first meeting is this Tuesday. I can't wait because I am in need of some SERIOUS girl time. When was the last time I did something with a friend??? Um.... (crickets chirping) ... oh that's right I can't remember cause it was so freaking long ago! Friends? Hello? Are you out there??? Girl time? Anyone? ... Anyone? (Damn those crickets!) haha... but not really. Call me. 

I applaud you if you made it to the end of this. Stay Awesome!

Cutting down the tree day

Christmas Eve Morning

Christmas Eve PJ's

I just love his Mickey slippers on him

Christmas Day

Cabin Magic

The Wright Gang

The Palmer Gang

Grandma and Grandpa

Siblings

MTC drop off

First Movie

Sweet Reunion

Have you ever had friends that you meet in your life and you just know instantly that this is a lifelong friendship kind of thing? I have a few of those friends, most of which are former roommates. I had over 30 roommates before I got married. Some of them were amazing. Some of them were rude and annoying. A handful of them were bat shit crazy. But my best roommate group would have to be when I lived in Highlander just off of campus. We had an instant connection. We got along great. We just clicked. It has been four years since living in that apartment and I am so happy to say that we are ALL still friends! Some of us have graduated, some of us have moved away, some of us have gotten married and started families of our own. But tonight, after more than a year of not seeing one another, we met up and had a roommate reunion. And it was fabulous. It was like we had never been apart. These girls, well, I just love em I tell ya! We talk about the deep stuff and the silly stuff and the stuff that makes us laugh so hard we cry. We have seriously different personalities and it makes it so absolutely wonderful. It really is amazing how well we get along. We might not see each other as often as we would like, but I just know that this is a group that will last forever.

Kind of sappy post, I know. But having good friends like these means the world to me! Every good mom and wife need a good entourage of girlfriends to back her up! Here is mine:

Our Summer in Review

I haven't blogged all summer long, and lots has been going on. We had a great summer! We had trips to Panguitch Lake, Fish Lake, and Bear Lake (obviously we are lake people). We had a great Independence Day and Pioneer Day with all of the usual patriotic goings on. We celebrated Leland's first birthday with a teddy bear picnic. I celebrated my 27'th birthday at the end of summer and Justin celebrated his 29'th birthday at the beginning of it. We took Leland to Willow Park Zoo for the first time and he absolutely loved it, he liked the foxes and the ducks the best. We had a successful garage sale and went to many of them all summer long, cause you know, that's our thing. We played with friends and family, had BBQ's, soaked up some sun, enjoyed fresh veggies from our garden, and just so many little adventures it's hard to keep track of them all. Summer was good to us.

I am in no way ready for it to be over, I don't feel like I quite got enough Bear Lake hours in (but then again I never do), but I do love fall. Fall means HALLOWEEN! Oh my goodness gracious I do love me some Halloween! And I love the changing leaves, our anniversary, General Conference, the pumpkin walk, corn mazes, and all that jazz. Yes, there is a lot to look forward to in the fall. So goodbye summer. See you next year my dearest of friends. Hello fall. And welcome.

34 Weeks

Yesterday I went to my 34 week baby doctor appointment. Everything is still looking good. Baby Boy is growing, his heart sounds good, and all is well! She told me that our goal is to keep him in for at least 2 more weeks and then after that he will be full grown enough to come any time! (gasp!) That seems so fast, but I honestly wouldn't mind too much if he arrived early. Mostly because I am getting pretty dang miserable. This whole pregnancy whenever I tell anyone who already has had kids my due date they just sigh, shake their heads, and tell me how sorry they are for me that I will be pregnant in the heat of the summer. I didn't necessarily think they were lying or making it seem worse than it really was going to be, but holy heck! They were absolutely 100% right when they said that I was going to be HOT and MISERABLE!! I feel like all I do is just sweat buckets. I probably stink 24/7 so you better steer clear for a while! All I can say is that I am thankful for central air in our home because if I had been pregnant in our first apartment in the summer I may have just pulled a Wicked Witch of the West and melted to death! I am also experiencing some contractions, which is completely normal. Baby Doc says that it's my bodies way of practicing for labor (bodies are amazing things aren't they?) Anyway, last night I had such a strong contraction that I pulled a muscle on my side. I told Baby Doc about this and she said that it was normal as well and it is common for the muscles around your lungs to swell when you are pregnant. If my blood pressure were high it would concern her but right now she isn't too worried. So along with the being hot and miserable, having a broken toe, the common back and neck pains, I also have a very sore right rib cage now that hurts every time I move too quickly. Oh the joys of pregnancy! Oh and did I mention that Sunday morning I woke up so swollen that I literally had to pry my wedding ring off? My fingers, ankles, and toes are about double in size. Baby Doc says this is because of the heat and I have been ordered to drink at least 64 oz. of water a day and elevate my feet for an hour a day. I am such a bad drinker so the water thing is going to be hard for me- but I'll do my best!

Okay, so enough of the complaining. On to the happy things. Baby Doc says that Baby Boy should be moving about ten times every two hours and I am pretty sure he surpasses that. He is moving around in me like crazy and I never ever get sick of that feeling. I love it! There really isn't anything like it. Every time I feel this little guy a big smile comes to my face. This whole pregnancy has been really rough, but it's when I feel him move that I feel bad for my husband. Men will never know that amazing feeling of having their children move inside their bodies, and it makes me kind of sad. I already am in love with this kid so much and there is just no way that Justin can feel as connected to our little boy as much as I do now. Fathers are missing out and women are the lucky ones. Yes pregnancy sucks big time sometimes. But the joys it brings far outweigh any of the pains. I feel so blessed to be having this experience with my son. I wouldn't trade it for the world!

And on an end note, last Saturday two of my best friends threw me an awesome Dr. Seuss baby shower (I am decorating the nursery in Dr. Seuss... pictures coming when it's finished). It was a really good turn out with good food, cute decorations, and fun games. I am so grateful for all of the hard work that they put into it and am super grateful for everyone that came! It meant so much to me and I was overjoyed with the turnout. Baby Boy got spoiled of course and I got some amazing presents. It made me even more excited for him to get here so that I can use everything and dress him up in all these cute clothes! Thanks everyone! You rock!

Outpouring of Thoughts from an Overwhelmed Brain

I was planning on writing this post on Sunday, but my thoughts were so jumbled this past weekend that it has taken me a few days to sort my brain out. It’s still a little jumbled up there so this post has a high potential of being total random ramblings. However, I know that if I don’t put pen to paper (figuratively speaking) soon that my brain may just burst. I’m sure fellow writers can relate. I just need to get all of these thoughts out. I’ve been thinking a lot about mothers, mostly about how I am going to be one in less than three months. THREE MONTHS! Ah!

This Mother’s Day was an especially emotional one for me (THANK YOU HORMONES!) In Relief Society on Sunday the lesson was on ‘Sacred Family Relationships’. I was surprised when a great portion of the lesson was spent on the commandment we have to “multiply and replenish the Earth”. You can imagine how that struck a chord with me as I am in the process of doing just that. The entire lesson my mind kept wandering to the day when there was the shooting in the elementary school. I was just a few weeks pregnant then and when I heard the news I was completely devastated. That was the first day that I actually felt like a mom. My heart was breaking for those mothers who had just lost their precious angels. But more than that, the question of “What kind of world am I bringing my child into?!” kept popping into my head. Sometimes it scares the hell out of me to think what kind of world my son will be living in. It seems to get worse every day. What kind of world do we live in that someone would go murder children in an elementary school in Connecticut? Or shoot up a movie theater in Colorado? Or bomb a marathon in Boston? The day of the elementary shooting I cried and cried to my mom. I told her how I was scared to bring a child into this messed up world. And she gave me the best comfort ever. She told me that there are spirit children in heaven that are waiting to come to this earth to receive their bodies, and that that was basically the whole reason of why I was pregnant. Because my son needs a body, and if I didn’t give it to him someone else would. It seems like such a simple and obvious answer, but it comforted me so much. Anyway, this last Sunday I kept replaying that conversation with my mom in my head. Because after all, isn’t that WHY we have that commandment in the first place? Because the whole point of coming to Earth is to get a body, and there are still spirits who are waiting.

This past year I have had friends who have lost children, had miscarriages, or their babies just came too early. Every single time something like that happens, I feel like a mom. My heart breaks right along with theirs. I am reminded of what a blessing it is to have this little guy growing inside of me. I can’t believe how much I already love him. I lie on my couch and watch my tummy move up and down and just giggle with giddiness. I constantly worry for him. Not a prayer is spoken in our home without mentioning him. I just cannot wait to hold him in my arms and express all of this love. Motherhood is such a strange thing.

Speaking of strange things- let’s talk hormones. They might as well be called HORRORmones! Lately mine have been out of control. OUT. OF. CONTROL. I feel like I am walking on a tightrope, and anything, even just the slightest breeze, is about to push me over the edge. My emotions are always right there on the surface. If you know me, you know that I am probably the most emotional person in the entire universe. My emotions have a direct line to my tear ducts, so basically I cry all of the time. So being pregnant, and having those emotions even more intensified, well, it aint no picnic let me tell you what. My poor, poor husband deals with so much. There are times where I will just be sitting there and all of a sudden tears will just be falling down my face. Justin will ask me what’s wrong and all I can do is shrug and tell him that I have absolutely no idea. Then once the tears stop I am perfectly happy and laughing within minutes after the crying session. WEIRD. And this week I learned that I cannot handle it when Primary children sing to their mothers on Mother’s Day. As soon as the first notes were out of their cute little mouths tears were cascading down my face. It was super embarrassing and Justin just looks at me with an expression like, “I wish I could help you but I know it’s hopeless” kind of face. Grrrr. I hate crying but I REALLY hate crying in public!

I guess the last thing that has been on my mind lately is this quote I found on Pinterest.

 I could go on and on about why this has been on my mind, but I’ll keep it short and sweet and just say that it seems like there is a very clear line of who is on my side and who isn’t lately. There are people who are making the effort and there are people who aren’t. And let’s just say that I am very grateful for the rowers out there. I feel like I need them now more than ever during this time of my life when everything seems to be changing.