Quasimodo Syndrome

Sunday night as I was brushing my teeth I went to rinse my mouth out and could not hold the water in my mouth. You know the movie ‘Just Go With It’? Well, I kind of looked like the guy with all the botox at the party who tries to take a drink and it just spills down his chin.  So then I tried to smile and only the right side of my mouth moved. It was honestly the weirdest sensation ever. I went to tell Justin about my dilemma and he had no idea what was going on either. So I jumped on Google and everything I pulled up mentioned a stroke. I honestly didn’t think I was having a stroke but in the moment you kind of start freaking out. So we called my mother in law to come watch Leland and we headed to the emergency room.  We luckily didn’t have to wait very long for the doctor to come in, but as he was checking me out I realized that I could no longer move my eyebrow or close my eye all the way. So within less than an hour it had already gotten worse. Because it was only in my face and not the rest of my body the doctor quickly ruled out a stroke and diagnosed it as Bells Palsey. I had never heard of it before but he told me it was very common, especially in woman, and especially in woman who just gave birth. The doctor told me they have no idea what causes it but they think it is viral. He prescribed a steroid to help settle my face nerves down and told me that I need to tape my eye shut at night and put artificial tear drops in my eye during the day. It really isn’t anything serious but the super sucky part about it is that it could last anywhere from three weeks to three months.  Sometimes my eye feels scratchy because it dries out so quickly, I can’t  blink with it, but other than that there isn’t any pain. Mostly the worst thing about it is how embarrassing it is. You know, I never really considered myself a vain person, but after this week I realized that I am a lot more vain than I thought. I didn’t realize how much looks mattered to me until I lost mine. Half my face is droopy, I look like a freak when I smile, and I am only closing one eye when I blink. Basically I look like Quasimodo from The Hunchback of Notre Dame, and no, that is NOT an exaggeration. I wish I didn’t care about my looks so much, I kind of feel disappointed in myself actually. Does that sound weird? But it made me realize that if I was ever unfortunate enough to get a third degree burn and have to get skin grafts, or get cancer and lose my hair, it would be really hard for me to go out in public. Like really hard. Why do I care so much? I have a new found respect for the people who have to go through that. They are so brave to face this critical world. I know it really isn’t that big of a deal, but as I was getting ready for work on Tuesday and I was looking at myself in the mirror, I honestly did not want to go to work and have people see me looking so terrible. I think this is a good learning experience for me. Maybe it will help out my vanity a little. Maybe it will help me stop judging others on their appearance. And maybe it will help me be a little bit more compassionate towards others. Maybe, just maybe, I can turn this negative into a positive. That’s my goal anyway. And in the meantime, here’s to hoping it goes away quickly. But if not, at least I have a good Halloween costume this year. ;)