Bye Bye Blue

In July we celebrated Leland's 2'nd birthday, and at that time, he was still obsessed with "fishies", so we decided to buy him a pet fish. He named him Blue.

Every morning we would walk into the kitchen and I would say "Good morning, Blue." Then Leland would add, "Hi Blue. You hungry?" and we would feed blue and watch him nearly jump out of the water to get to his yummy blood worms.

And that was about all the interaction and interest that Leland showed in Blue.

Well, a few weeks ago, as I was trying to locate Blue in the tank to feed him, I found him curled up at the bottom of the tank. Uh-oh.

Leland was still asleep so I asked Justin how we wanted to handle this. After all, this was Leland's first pet. Were we going to rush to the pet store and grab a replacement so that Leland was none the wiser? Would we have an over the top funeral for Blue as we circled the toilet bowl? In the end, we decided to hurry and clean up all evidence that Blue ever existed, thinking that Leland would probably not even notice, as he really didn't show much interest in Blue anyway.

Oh heaven help me. The first words out of that little boy's mouth that day were, "Where's Blue?" I don't know that I have ever been truly sad over the death of a fish before, but that day I felt like my heart was going to break as I explained to my two year old that Blue went bye bye and was in heaven now. Those big eyes looking up at me, trying to comprehend what I was saying, almost tore me into two pieces.

Damn fish.

Leland asked about Blue several times that day, and each time I would try to explain to him what had happened in words he could understand.

We probably should have had the funeral.

That night we went to dinner at the Palmers. Leland solemnly walked up to his Grandpa Palmer and says, "Blue went bye bye..... (long pause).... but it's okay Grandpa." And then he got a much needed hug from his grandpa that hurt my heart even more.

My little guy has a sensitive soul. He cares about everyone. He is sad when other people are sad. He is worried when people get hurt. And he loves animals, all animals. Including Blue.

Rest in peace Blue. Thanks for being such a good first pet for such a sweet, tender-hearted little boy.

Hardships and Blessings

Tough week.

On Sunday Leland was playing with our dog Zorro and I guess he pulled his fur too hard because Zorro bit Leland on the forehead. The bite drew blood and left a hole in my babies head. To say that I was super pissed at my dog is a HUGE understatement. I went all 'crazy momma' on him cause "aint no body no where gonna hurt my babes!".  I had to make a really, really, hard decision after that- Zorro had to go. I can't have that risk in my home, I just can't. Leland's home should always be a safe place for him to be. So even though it broke my heart into literally a million pieces, I put Zorro up for adoption on some internet classifieds. Within five minutes of the ad going up I got a response from a lady who lives in Preston. She told me that they were on their way to see Zorro- within the hour he was gone.

And I cried. A lot.

Even as I write this blog post tears are filling my eyes. That was honestly one of the hardest things that I have ever had to do. I loved my dog. He was my constant companion and I already feel this huge void in the house from his absence. Today my door bell rang and barking did not follow. Weird. There is no jingling of a collar. No little bum wagging its tail. No furry friend in my bed at night. I walk in the door and there is no happy little guy there to greet me. I didn't realize how much he was a part of my life, my every day routine, until he was gone. My house is a lot quieter. I don't really like it. It is definitely a hard pill to swallow. I miss my pups- he was part of the family.

And just because it was the right thing to do, doesn't make it any easier. Bleh. It just really, really sucked.

So anyway, I need to end this blog on a happy note. We have had people asking us how we are doing financially since we dropped down to one income. Justin and I have had lengthy conversations over the last few weeks about finances. Want to hear something crazy cool?! We are making it! Granted, money is tight and we aren't being frivolous whatsoever, but miraculously, we are surviving. I felt God's hand in our lives so much lately. We haven't always been faithful tithe payers, I hate to admit that, but its true. So when I left my job I made it a point to pay tithing the Sunday after every paycheck. I haven't missed it once and oh boy the blessings are rolling in! Tithing guys! It's awesome!! One night Justin said to me, "I don't understand how we are making it, Kristi. I really don't. I've done the math, our bills are more than my paychecks, but somehow, all of our bills are getting paid! How is that even possible?" I'll tell you how---- TITHING! Logically our financial situation doesn't make sense whatsoever- it just doesn't add up- but I knew God wanted me home and He blessed me for it. Sometimes I am appalled at my lack of faith when I realize that God has ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS taken care of me and given me what I needed. And we even found two gift cards to restaurants when we were deep cleaning- I guess they were Christmas presents that we forgot about? - so we even got to go on two dates- which I was worried we wouldn't be able to afford anymore. I mean, wow right?

And lastly, my friend posted a 100 happy days challenge on facebook that I really want to do and finish. You take a picture of something that makes you happy every single day for 100 days. I think it is a great idea and so invite you to do it with me! Here's the challenge if you want to learn a little more about it. 100happydays.com