I got a church calling today. My eyes filled with tears when the bishop told me. Oh dear. Oh dear. Oh dear. I do not believe I have ever felt quite so inadequate in my whole entire life.
I guess I got what I deserved though. I was sitting by the bishops office, waiting for my turn. My super nice roommate Emily was kind enough to wait with me. All month long I felt like it was being hinted at that I was going to be a Relief Society Visiting Teacher Supervisor, a calling which I had already been twice two years in a row..... which I never had the best attitude about in the first place. Emily and I were talking about it, and I became my bitter, sour self just thinking about how much I disliked that calling. I believe my exact words were "Here this calling is for the less important people that we don't actually want interacting with other people. But everyone has to have a calling I guess.... so I guess we will give this one to you." Yeah. That was my attitude about that calling. But you know what happens when you have a bad attitude about a calling? You get a far worse calling. In other words, you get what you deserve!
Today I was called to be a Relief Society TEACHER!!!!
AHHHHHHHHH!
When my bishop told me, I just sat there, completely stunned, with my eyes full of tears. He asked if I was okay, or if I was totally scared senseless. I told him I was scared senseless. He offered words of encouragement and a teaching book that he said would help. He then asked me again if I would accept this calling. I said I would in a weak stuttery kind of voice.
When I went out into the hall and started walking to my car with Emily it was all I could do to keep from crying. I came home, went in my room, and let the tears fall. I want my mommy! But she is at church and I guess I can't cry to her until later in the day.
I don't know why I am so emotional about this. Never before has a calling hit me with such a force of inadequacy and the feeling that I just can't do this. That they must have made a mistake. They've got the wrong girl!
Hopefully I am just in a state of shock and will feel differently about things tomorrow..... but.... I doubt it. =(
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1 comment:
oh no! that's my least favorite calling. good luck! oh no kristi... i feel so bad for you. but i know you will do great! remember that one time when you had to teach sunday school? you did so good!
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