When I'm Feeling Sad

"When the dog bites. When the bee stings. When I'm feeling sad. I simply remember my favorite things, and then I don't feel so bad." Wise words from "The Sound of Music" yes? These last few months I feel like I have been such a negative Nelly, a total Debbie downer if you will. Guess what? It's hard to be happy go lucky when you feel so yucky! But I have felt yucky for soooo long that it's come to a point where I am starting to miss my old happy self. No, I am not always a glow worm kind of happy- but I really do try.

I wish I were a glow worm

A glow worms never glum.

Cause it's hard to be sad

When the sun shines out your bum!

Anyway. Last night as I was laying in bed the lyrics from this song popped into my head. I  realized that there are so many things in this world that I love. I should make a list of some of them. Okay, that sounds cheesy, but the theory behind it is good right?

Ahem....

Kristi's Favorite Things:

• falling asleep while holding hands with Justin
• seeing my baby's heartbeat for the first time
• Zorro's happy feet dance he does when he is about to get a treat
• the smell of a campfire
• the last page of a really good book
• rounding the last corner in Logan Canyon and getting that first glimpse of Bear Lake
• feeling the grass between my toes for the first time in the spring
• singing my favorite jam in the car at the top of my lungs
• the first snow fall
• seeing the American flag being held by soldiers in a parade
• the sound of a baby's laugh
• collapsing into bed at night after a long busy day
• waking up in a tent after it has rained
• helping a stranger
• an icy cold Mt. Dew
• when Reeses Easter eggs hit the shelves
• frozen cherries from the Fruit  Heights orchards
• holidays
• getting the whole family together without anyone missing
• getting mail
• long chats with old friends
• winning a game of nerts
• the thrill I feel in my tummy that can only come from riding a horse, waverunner, or four wheeler
• when someone brings up Harry Potter or Friends in a conversation
• a really good "That's what she said" joke
• moments in my life that remind me of Brian Regan
• all the motorcycle engines that can be heard in Logan the first warm day of spring (thanks to Justin)
• a really good tan

Life really is grand! And so full of wonderful things! What are some of your favorite things? I would love to read them! Happy Friday everyone! I hope you have a great weekend!

Reflections and Resolutions

Happy New Year! I can't believe that another year has come and gone, time is going by so freaking fast! 2012 was a great, great year for Justin and I. Here is some highlights of the year 2012:

-- Becoming an Aunt and Uncle. In May my sister in law had a baby girl named Tenley. Who knew that it was possible to love another person's kid as much as we love that little girl! I LOVE being an aunt!

-- Buying a Home. This was probably the most stressful yet rewarding thing we have ever done. Being homeowners is so rewarding and so hard and so wonderful. We love our home.

-- Getting a dog. Ever since I graduated from high school in 2006 I couldn't wait to find a place to live that allowed pets. I wanted a dog so dang bad! Well, in August Zorro joined our family. How were our lives ever complete without that little weirdo?

-- Going on some great mini vacations. Justin and I decided that we couldn't really afford a great big vacation this year so we took some mini ones to a junk yard in Idaho for his birthday, St. George to see Aladdin at the Tuacahn for my birthday, and a super fun, family filled weekend in Bear Lake for my mom's birthday.

--Some of the greatest holidays to date that were filled with lots of extended family, great food, lost of laughs, and wonderful memories made.

--Celebrating our one year anniversary.

--And last, but definitely not least- finding out that we were pregnant. What a whirlwind of emotion that was (and still is).

I am really excited for 2013. And kind of already wishing it away haha. I definitely will try very hard to be patient and try to love the present, but in all honesty most of this year I will spend pregnant, so yeah- I can't wait for August when we finally get to meet our little baby Palmer. We are also headed back to the Tuacahn in May for Mary Poppins so I am pretty excited for that as well. Other than that we will try a little harder, do a little better, and love each other a little more.  I definitely think this next year will trump last year and I am pretty happy about that. So happy new year everyone! And good luck with those resolutions!

Satisfying Dream

I had the most satisfying dream last night. I dreamed that I went to my high school reunion and was able to tell my peers about my life. While I was telling everyone about my life, I realized that I was leading a successful life. One thing about me is that I hated high school with a fiery passion. For me, high school was three years of pure hell on Earth. There were some really good people to be sure, but mostly I felt like I went  to high school with jealous backbiters who love tearing you down rather than building you up. That may sound really dramatic, but honestly, there were some pretty awful people walking the halls of Davis High. Bottom line, high school was definitely not the best years of my life. So to have this dream where I was back in front of those same people that looked down on me, and was able to lift my head high and be proud of what I have done since last seeing them, well, that felt really good. Yes, I realize that this was a dream. But I woke up feeling so much peace, joy, and even a little pride about the life that I am currently living.

Another thing about me, and this may sound weird to some people, is that I feel like when I am having an especially hard time, sometimes Heavenly Father gives me the comfort I need through a dream. This has happened quite a few times actually. Mostly it has been when I was missing someone so much that it hurt. Like when I was waiting for a missionary or missing my grandma that passed away, Heavenly Father would let me spend the entire night with them through a dream, and somehow I would wake up missing them less. Well, anyway, I feel like this dream was one of those comfort dreams that I needed. Last night I went to bed crying about how miserable I have been. It's such a hard thing not complaining about this "morning" sickness that I have been experiencing. To be sick day after day for months on end is exhausting. Throwing up multiple times a day has left me weak and irritable. I know this pregnancy is such a blessing, not to mention a miracle, but sometimes I have a moment of weakness where I just don't want to feel this sick anymore. And it's hard because I know there are so many woman that would kill to feel this sick if it meant that they got to be a mom. So I KNOW that I have no right whatsoever to complain. But it really is so hard sometimes feeling like crap 24/7 with absolutely no relief. Have you ever been starving and nauseous at the same time? It's not fun! Anyway, yesterday was a particularly hard day of feeling like I was starving yet throwing up everything that touched my lips. By the end of the day I was tired, weak, and feeling a little sorry for myself. I fell asleep with tears still on my face and then this dream comes. And I feel like it was exactly the reminder and the comfort that I needed. Yes, my day to day life has not been the greatest. But my life as a whole is so blessed. I am married to the most amazing, kind, loving, patient man. We just got into this wonderful home. We have an incredibly weird dog that I absolutely love. I am working at my dream job. And now, we have a baby on the way. We are truly blessed and living successful lives. I am so lucky. I just feel this overwhelming sense of peace right now, and I needed it so much after a day like yesterday.

A Christmas to Remember

Merry Christmas! Did everyone have a good Christmas? Wow, we certainly did! We were able to spend so much time with so much family this year and it was amazing! We are so incredibly blessed to have the wonderful families that we do. I was talking to my mom last night and telling her how I realized that this Christmas I wasn't even anticipating what gifts I would get. This may sound insanely selfish, but in Christmas's past the thing I would look forward to most, were the gifts. Well, I must be growing up or something because getting presents was the last thing on my mind this year. I honestly could not wait to spend all of this uninterrupted time with my family. This entire month I could not wait to see all of my extended family members. I just don't get enough time with them. Justin and I have A LOT of cousins, so when we get a lot of them together at one time it is always a special thing. In all honesty, I think the biggest reason I was so looking forward to seeing my family this year was to share our BIG NEWS! Drum roll please.............................................................................

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WE'RE PREGNANT!!!

That's right folks. There is a bun in this oven! Surprised? So were we! I mean, yes we had been trying, but it had been so long I was beginning to think that there was something wrong. I found out on November 30'th and let me tell you what- that was the hardest secret I have ever ever ever had to keep! I was planning on telling our immediate families on Christmas and then sharing it with the world around New Years. However, just after one week (the longest week of my life I might add) I cracked and had to tell my family. Mostly because there were about a million times that week where I wanted to call my mamma up and ask her pregnancy questions. Well, all the Wrights were getting together that week to do our family Christmas card so Justin and I wrapped up some baby items; diapers, pacifiers, a toy, a bottle, and a onesie, and told my family that they were getting an early Christmas present that we couldn't wait to give to them until Christmas. They were so surprised! That day definitely goes down into one of my favorite days ever- my families reactions were priceless. 

Next it was time to tell the Palmers. So one night we were over for dinner at my in-laws and Justin gives me this look that says, "I'm doing it RIGHT NOW cause I can't wait one more second!" I of course nod my approval. Just a quick side note: when it comes to food the power of suggestion is freaking strong with me right now. If someone mentions a food that sounds good I crave it until I get it. Well that night a commercial came on the TV with homemade chocolate chip cookies. And I HAD TO HAVE THEM! So being the good husband that he is, Justin goes into his mom's kitchen and starts whipping up a batch of homemade chocolate chip cookies. When they are finally in the oven cooking Justin tells his family that the cookies are not the only thing in the oven. It took them a split second to figure it out but when they finally did it was a very good moment. Two families down. Yes!

The next people to find out were not scheduled to find out until after the holidays. However, when you are running to the employee bathroom every hour to puke your guts out, your coworkers start getting suspicious. So I figured that it was best to tell them where I kept disappearing to, so they didn't think I was the worst employee in the history of ever. Most of them admitted that they kind of already knew, or at least suspected. And can I just say right now, telling people is fun! haha

Soooo. Now enter Christmas. We had three family parties scheduled so three different opportunities to deliver the news. At the Olsen family party we had Santa sit Grandma and Grandpa Olsen on his lap, ask them what they wanted for Christmas, and then told them that they had a gift from Justin and Kristi on the way but that it wouldn't be there until the summer. At the Paulsen family party we had my mom announce it after the prayer and before dinner by saying that someone in the room was about to be a grandma. This announcement took a minute to figure out who she was talking about, and then all joy broke loose. At the Wright family party I walked in with a onesie  pinned to my stomach that said 'My First Christmas'. Both Pa and Grandma gave me a hug without noticing it, but when Aunt Robin came to give me a hug she picked up on it right away. There were some tears shed at this one and it was very touching. So yeah- basically this Christmas rocked the socks off of all of the others! Not only did we get insanely spoiled, we also got to share some of the greatest news ever. 

Here are the answers to the questions I know you are all asking yourself ;)

-I am due August 10'th

- I am only about 7 weeks along so it is pretty early to be telling people. However, at the doctors appointment we saw the heartbeat (that was surreal!) and she said that once you see the heartbeat your chances of losing it drop to under 10%. I  felt like those were good enough odds to tell people. Plus I am a horrible secret keeper. You've seen my Facebook. I'm an open book. 

- I am sooooo sick! My record is throwing up 5 times in one day. I HATE brushing my teeth!! It gets my gag reflexes every single stupid time! And 'morning' sickness? Psh. Try 24/7 sickness! I have to constantly remind myself that the sickness is a blessing though because it means that the baby is there.

Well, if you made it through that post I applaud you. Sorry it was so long and tedious but I had a lot to say haha. Basically to sum things up we are just happy and blessed and yes, a little bit sick. We had a wonderful Christmas and so much fun telling our happy happy news to everyone. And now I can shout it out from the rooftops! I'M GONNA BE A MOMMY! 

Ps- I didn't document everything this week but here are some of the pictures that I did get. 

 Me and Brother

 Me and the Hubs

 Hannah and Jaycee

 Aunt  Teri reading 'You are Special'

 Ella opening her Christmas presents

 Cass and Jess

 Tyler teasing the sisters

 Zach and Jess

 Me and Zorro

 Everyone got matching pj's

 We felt like we should be in a choir

Matchy Matchy Sisters

 Announcement

 Baby's First Christmas

 Sisters

 Brothers

 Special Brothers

 Very Special Brothers

 Kyle and Kelly

 Jess and Kailey

 Zach and Kailey playing with Zach's frickin' sweet new toy (and Pa in the background)

Dad and Justin playing with my dad's new shocking game. It is so intense! 

Feminists

Many of you have probably heard about the LDS feminist group who have declared today as "wear pants to church day". You can watch this video if you don't know what I am talking about. This is one of the debates where I just have to throw my two cents in. And I must admit, that I think this is completely ridiculous.  Commenting on the dress code LDS spokesman Scott Trotter said in a statement: 'Attending church is about worship and learning to be followers of Jesus Christ.Generally church members are encouraged to wear their best clothing as a sign of respect for the Savior, but we don’t counsel people beyond that.' This feminist group is seriously making a big stink over nothing. NO ONE told them that they couldn't wear pants to church. As Latter Day Saints we are encouraged to wear our best clothing, and if pants are your best clothing, than that is absolutely fine. A coworker of mine told me that back east women wear pants to church all of the time and it's no big deal. Well guess what folks, it's not a big deal here either. So if it's no big deal, what are these women really after? Attention of course! Because that is what church is about right? While these women are wearing pants to church and are trying to make a point, possibly get some attention, and maybe even make a scene, I hope they remember the Savior and His perfect love that he has not only for them, but for everyone on this Earth. Sacrament Meeting is not a place to bring your "protests" but a place of worship and personal reflection. Let's keep the sacred things sacred people. 

Another "itch that I need to scratch" is something that Justin and I saw circulating around on the internet this last month. Maybe you have seen this.....

This quote has really gotten under my skin. I know that God has a plan and he DEFINITELY had a plan for this particular moment in time. So to say that women would have been better than the three wise men is completely sacrilegious to me. Yes, there are a lot of men in the nativity story. So is that why feminists are getting their panties in a bunch? Because what of Mary? Aside from Jesus Christ, she had one of the most important roles to play. She was entrusted with something so incredibly sacred, it almost always brings tears to my eyes. What an incredible, faithful, women she was. The only way that Jesus Christ could have been born was through a women. Not to mention that this quote highly discredits what type of men the three wise men were. I found this quote on lds.org, "Imagine traveling across the desert. The journey is long, your camel ride is bumpy, and you’re not even following a map! Instead, you follow a star. How would you feel? Would you have the faith to keep going? Two thousand years ago, the Wise Men did exactly that. They saw a brilliant star in the east and journeyed to Bethlehem to honor the Christchild with beautiful gifts."

These men were courageous, selfless, and incredibly faithful men. And I for one, feel like I have a lot to learn from them and would never wish in a million years that the story of Christ's humble birth were any different. 

Quickie

I know I haven't been on much lately. Sorry guys. With work, holidays, and trying to juggle families and me and Justin alone time, life has once again become super hectic. We are both still alive and doing great though. We had a great Halloween and  Thanksgiving and were able to spend a lot of time with both sides of our families.   Christmas came early to our home and we were able to get a great deal on a scooter that I will be riding to work everyday in the warm weather. I just need to learn how to ride and get my motorcycle license which I am kind of nervous for, so hopefully I don't kill myself in the process. We also bought a new computer which I am absolutely in love with, we decided that that would be our gift to one another this year. And in case that wasn't a great Christmas already we also found some great black Friday deals, one of which is a new camcorder. We weren't even planning on getting a camcorder, but when we found ourselves among crazy Walmart shoppers who were ripping open pallets of awesome deals I noticed that one particular pallet was being emptied extremely quickly and ended up grabbing the last box on that pallet. I had no idea what I was grabbing, all I knew was that it must be a great deal if they were gone in literally a matter of seconds. So when I looked down to see a normally $400 camcorder in my hand for $120 it was pretty much a steal. That was my very first black Friday folks and wow what a riot it was! I had a lot of fun. So anyway, that's our lives for the past few weeks. I just posted all of the pictures from October on Facebook (I know, I know, only a month late) so go check those out for a more extensive update. This week I have been extremely sick, sicker than I have been in years, and my wonderful amazing husband is taking such good care of me and practically waiting on me hand and foot. Being this sick really sucks but boy is he making it easier! Other than that we are just living through our daily routines and getting pumped for Christmas. I can't wait until I feel better so that I can whip out all of the decorations and put up the tree. I also have a baking itch- which is kind of weird for me- but hopefully I can find time to make some yummy treats. Well, I think that's all for now. Happy almost December everyone.

Time to Get Real

It's time to get real and start talking about the things that matter most to us .Why are women so afraid to talk about the things that they are struggling with? Why is it so hard to talk about the things in life that absolutely break our hearts? Instead of holding it in, why don't we share our stories with other women who may need to hear that they are not the only ones going through this? Sometimes I don't always understand why I paste a smile on my lips for my friends and family members while my heart is secretly breaking into a million pieces inside. Is it because I want to portray to the world that my life is perfect and all is well? Or maybe it is simply because I am trying so damn hard to not focus on the one thing that has me so completely and utterly torn up inside. Then again, maybe we just don't talk about our pain with others because in a way, it's admitting to the world that this is really happening and sometimes it's just easier to pretend like its not. And sometimes it's just easier to ignore the things that we cannot control, after all, we are women, and we love to be in control of our lives am I right? But lets face it, we hardly ever are. Mostly, life happens to us. And we just kind of learn to roll with the punches.

What in the world am I talking about right? Well, I am talking about how once a month the depth of pain and anguish that I feel takes my breath away. The moment when I have to reach into my cupboard and pull out a tampon because no, I didn't get pregnant. Again. There is devastation in that blood in the toilet. Heart wrenching disappointment when you realize that this is not the month that God has decided to bless you with with a child. This moment is virtually indescribable if you have not experienced it for yourself, and if you haven't, I pray that you never will. When you are trying to get pregnant, nothing can break your heart or hurt your soul more than a period or a negative pregnancy test. Unlike other hard things that can happen in our lives; loss of a loved one, a breakup, the scary times of unemployment, this is something that most women do not feel comfortable talking about with anyone else besides their husbands and perhaps their mothers. Perhaps this type of hardship is better left between husband and wife, but come on girls, as good as your husbands intentions are, there is undeniably no way that he knows the depth of sorrow you are experiencing. Of course he wants a child too. In fact, he can't wait to be a daddy. But he will never know the anguish of having your body tell you that you are not going to be a mommy.

As if not being able to get pregnant wasn't hard enough, I am constantly being bombarded by others with questions about when I will have children. From the day that Justin and I tied the knot, people have felt the need to dive into our personal lives and ask when the stork would be visiting. As newlyweds we were mostly able to laugh this off and reply with a, 'Not now but someday' vague response. However, now that we have actually been trying, and have had no success, this constant questioning from others about getting pregnant is extremely painful. I know that people mean well, but if they knew the depth of pain they bring to us by asking that, I'm sure they would feel horrible. So just a rule of thumb- never ever ever ever ask anyone, no matter what, when they are planning on getting pregnant and having children. You have no idea what is happening in their lives, and that question is completely uncalled for, even it it's meant as a joke. Because let me tell you, after seeing those negative pregnancy tests over and over and over again, there is nothing remotely funny about it.

Fortunately for me, I have once again seen the Lord's hand in my life. For months I have questioned why we couldn't have the blessing of being parents. Many tears have been shed, many prayers have been said, and many long conversations on fertility have been spoken. Now that I have just landed my dream job however, I wonder if they would have hired me knowing that I was with child. Perhaps that is just speculation, but I believe that Heavenly Father has a greater plan for me than I have for myself. Sometimes it is really hard to trust in the Lord's timing and have patience and faith that everything will work out. This is a very hard topic for me to speak so openly about, but I feel like others may have gone through similar situations and may need to hear that they are not alone. You are never alone. Here are some talks from lds.org tht have really helped me through this time.

I Longed to be a Mother

Continue in Patience

Trust in the Lord