A Working Momma

When I was going to college I always felt like I was preparing for a future that I didn’t want. A career was always my back up plan to being a stay at home mom. I felt like the only reason I was getting an education was for the ‘what if?’ in life. For example, what if my husband dies, leaves me, has a terrible accident (etc. etc. etc.) and I have to be the provider for our family? It was a dreary reason to be going to school to say the least. I didn’t want to work. I wanted to be home with my babies and that was that. Of course, I was saying this while working all of my crappy retail jobs. You know, the kind of jobs that are so miserable from day to day that they almost force you into college so that you don’t end up working there forever. Those were the days when going to work was a drag… each and every single day. I hated my coworkers, my hours, the job itself, the pay. Pretty much everything about it was barely tolerable. And then, miracle of all miracles, I got a job as a librarian. My dream job. A job where I look forward to going to work every single day. A job where I actually begin to miss my coworkers over the weekend. A job where I love what I do and feel good about doing it. It may sound cheesy or cliché or whatever, but there are days where I feel like I actually put a little good out into the world by doing what I do. It’s those times when I help a teenager who doesn’t really like to read find their new favorite book. When I help kindergartners find the books that they can learn to read in. The days when I get into book discussions with a patron and we share our recommendations with one another. These are the days that I cherish. The days that make my job worthwhile. My job gives me a sense of accomplishment. It is my reason to get up in the morning and get ready for the day. But have I worried about the affects my working would have on my son? Of course! Sometimes I worry that he won’t develop as fast as he needs to because I am not there everyday to teach him the new things that he needs to learn. Sometimes I worry that he will notice my absence and it will affect him negatively.  Let’s face it, being a mother is a big fat worry fest all of the freaking time. But there is not much I can do about it anywho. We simply do not have the means for me to stay at home. I may not contribute much to the family income, but it is enough to help put food on the table and pay the bills. But what if we could afford for me to stay at home? Would I want to? Would I make a huge sacrifice and quit my dream job for my children? The answer... probably not. Does that sound selfish? It probably does to some people out there. But let me explain. My entire life I have battled serious bouts of depression. I honestly worry that if I were a full time mom I would slip back into that depression very easily. I can imagine myself staying in my pj’s all day long, not showering, not putting on make up, and not doing my hair. That’s depressing. Plus I would most likely stay at home all day long. That’s depressing too. I wouldn’t get much girl talk like I do everyday with my coworkers, and a girl’s gotta vent yo! It would just be no bueno. Bottom line, my job keeps me sane. Capeesh?

So where is this all coming from? Well I read this article that I found on Facebook today, and I loved it. It made me feel good about my choice to work. But I definitely agree whole heartedly that Americans need to have a better maternity leave for woman. Most jobs, mine included, offer six weeks of unpaid maternity leave. Six weeks for you to heal from the trauma of giving birth, six weeks to bond with your baby, and six weeks to try to get that baby on a sleeping schedule so that you are not a zombie when you have to go back to work. Um… that’s not enough time! Health wise six weeks may be long enough for your body to recover from birth if everything goes smoothly. But what if it doesn’t? What if you have to have a C-section? That’s major surgery!  And what if there are other major complications? OR, what if something is wrong with your baby and they have to be in the NICU for an extended period of time? You don’t want to be worrying about your job at a time like that, but a lot of moms have to and I’m sure a lot of women have lost their jobs because of it. It’s a messed up system and one that I hope changes very soon. Women need time to heal. They need time to bond with their kiddo and reconnect with their husbands. And most importantly they need time to SLEEP! Going to a full day of work is not exactly a picnic when you have been awake all night with a screaming baby, trust me, I know!

Well, I think that sums it up for this soapbox rant. If there is ever a politician who will fight for a better maternity leave for women you can bet they will have my vote!

THE END.

Quasimodo Syndrome

Sunday night as I was brushing my teeth I went to rinse my mouth out and could not hold the water in my mouth. You know the movie ‘Just Go With It’? Well, I kind of looked like the guy with all the botox at the party who tries to take a drink and it just spills down his chin.  So then I tried to smile and only the right side of my mouth moved. It was honestly the weirdest sensation ever. I went to tell Justin about my dilemma and he had no idea what was going on either. So I jumped on Google and everything I pulled up mentioned a stroke. I honestly didn’t think I was having a stroke but in the moment you kind of start freaking out. So we called my mother in law to come watch Leland and we headed to the emergency room.  We luckily didn’t have to wait very long for the doctor to come in, but as he was checking me out I realized that I could no longer move my eyebrow or close my eye all the way. So within less than an hour it had already gotten worse. Because it was only in my face and not the rest of my body the doctor quickly ruled out a stroke and diagnosed it as Bells Palsey. I had never heard of it before but he told me it was very common, especially in woman, and especially in woman who just gave birth. The doctor told me they have no idea what causes it but they think it is viral. He prescribed a steroid to help settle my face nerves down and told me that I need to tape my eye shut at night and put artificial tear drops in my eye during the day. It really isn’t anything serious but the super sucky part about it is that it could last anywhere from three weeks to three months.  Sometimes my eye feels scratchy because it dries out so quickly, I can’t  blink with it, but other than that there isn’t any pain. Mostly the worst thing about it is how embarrassing it is. You know, I never really considered myself a vain person, but after this week I realized that I am a lot more vain than I thought. I didn’t realize how much looks mattered to me until I lost mine. Half my face is droopy, I look like a freak when I smile, and I am only closing one eye when I blink. Basically I look like Quasimodo from The Hunchback of Notre Dame, and no, that is NOT an exaggeration. I wish I didn’t care about my looks so much, I kind of feel disappointed in myself actually. Does that sound weird? But it made me realize that if I was ever unfortunate enough to get a third degree burn and have to get skin grafts, or get cancer and lose my hair, it would be really hard for me to go out in public. Like really hard. Why do I care so much? I have a new found respect for the people who have to go through that. They are so brave to face this critical world. I know it really isn’t that big of a deal, but as I was getting ready for work on Tuesday and I was looking at myself in the mirror, I honestly did not want to go to work and have people see me looking so terrible. I think this is a good learning experience for me. Maybe it will help out my vanity a little. Maybe it will help me stop judging others on their appearance. And maybe it will help me be a little bit more compassionate towards others. Maybe, just maybe, I can turn this negative into a positive. That’s my goal anyway. And in the meantime, here’s to hoping it goes away quickly. But if not, at least I have a good Halloween costume this year. ;)

Two Years Down, an Eternity to Go!

October 6'th marked our two year anniversary, can I get a woot woot! These last two years have been years filled with complete and utter happiness, joy beyond belief, and so many miracles I couldn't even begin to count them. But of course we have had our ups and very low downs, just like anybody else, cause that's life. For example, Leland has brought so much joy into our lives, but at the same time, having a baby can be super hard on your marriage yo! So what does that mean for us?....WEEKEND GET-A-WAY! Holla!

I took Friday off of work so that we could have the entire weekend with each other. We packed up, dropped Leland off at Grandma Wright's house (so much harder than I thought it was going to be by the way), and then headed to good old Salt Lake City for our staycation as my coworker calls it. First we went to City Creek where we shopped our little bums off. And I guess I had Leland on the brain cause most of the stuff we bought was for him. We did buy our niece her Christmas present, my father in law a birthday present, and my dad a Christmas present, so most of the shopping wasn't for us. I am such a weird girl, but I honestly HATE shopping for myself! Shopping for other people is way more fun, especially your own kid! I did manage to get some new clothes, start my Halloween book collection, and get a DVD that I wanted though. One of my favorite moments at City Creek was when we bought some chocolate and watched the fountains and people watched. It was a good time. After our City Creek exploits were through we headed to our hotel, Little America, to check in. It is a pretty old hotel and I have always wanted to stay there- I liked it a lot. The rooms were HUGE! We were on the 8'th floor so we had a pretty good view of the city. That night we were tired so decided to order pizza and stay in our hotel room and veg out and be lazy. And of course we brought cheesecake from the cheesecake factory back with us. Yum!  It was fun to just relax and watch TV. I quite enjoyed myself.

Saturday morning I did a McDonald's breakfast run where I just barely made it back in time for conference to begin. We ate our unhealthy breakfast while listening to our church leaders and it was blissful. After conference we got ready for the day and headed to The Gateway for more shopping and people watching. We went to Lunch at Rumbi Grill and then went to see the movie 'Gravity' with Sandra Bullock and George Clooney. It was an okay movie. It kind of reminded me of Castaway with Tom Hanks. It was pretty cool in 3D though. It's just one of those movies that I would watch once but never buy or care to watch over and over again. After the movie our plan was to go out to eat for dinner, but being the bad planners that we are we hit the after priesthood session rush hour so basically every single restaurant in Salt Lake and the surrounding areas were chuck full of men in suits and ties. We knew it was going to be a long wait everywhere and our bellies were saying "No thank you!" to that, so we went through a drive thru and took dinner back to the hotel.

Sunday was our actual anniversary so we had room service deliver breakfast and then watched conference while we packed up and got ready to go home. Check out was at noon and conference ends at noon, so of course everyone in the entire freaking hotel left at the same time. We probably waited a good twenty minutes for an elevator. Call me lazy but there was no way in hades that I was going to walk down 10 flights of stairs to the underground parking garage with luggage! We finally got out of the hotel and headed to Fruit Heights where I proceeded to smother my son in kisses and we were able to watch the last session of conference with my family and have dinner with them. I felt bad that I was away from Leland because he was super sick with the croup that weekend but I am very grateful that my mom took such good care of him. We really needed a weekend away and we had so much fun! Happy Anniversary Babe!

A Blessed Day

On Sunday September 29, 2013 we blessed Leland. It was such an amazing day filled with family and friends. We are so grateful for everyone who came and supported our little family on such a special day. Justin did an amazing job, definitely choked me up hearing him give our son the blessing. I was reminded once again how lucky I am to have two wonderful boys in my life who really are my whole world.

Two Months

I am kind of freaking out that my baby is two months old today not gonna lie. I know I sound like a broken record (believe me, I know) but holy smoking cow time is going by way too fast! He is growing and changing so much. He gets a little cuter every single day and every single day I fall a little bit more in love with him. I have gone back to work now and leaving him every day is really hard, but when I am at work I love it and I never want to quit my job.... like ever. And then when I come home he flashes me a huge grin and I don't want to leave him.... like ever. So basically I just feel blessed to be so happy in every moment and place that I am at in my life.






Leland's Two Month Facts:
- He is 24 inches long (has grown four inches in two months!)
- Weighs 13.1 pounds
-Is in the 91 percentile for height and 74 percentile for weight
- Is beginning to smile a lot more and now he is starting to make little noises when he smiles. I don't think it will be too long before he starts giggling.
- Is still sleeping in his swing and hates his crib. (Luckily doc says not to worry too much about this!)
- Is holding his head up by himself really well and is very, very strong
-Finally loves bath time and kicking his feet in the water. He never screams anymore except when we take him out.
-He hates being hungry, cold, hot, and wet. If all of these needs are taken care of he is a perfect, happy baby.
-Now has leg and arm rolls (adorable!)
-Loves listening to music and hearing me sing to him (I think he is the only one on the planet who likes listening to me sing hahaha)
-He is currently going through a growth spurt and drinks about 8 ounces each feeding and 10-12 ounces before bed time. I call him my little piglet. I feel like I am feeding him all of the time!
- My main nickname for him right now is Buggy Bear.

Birthday Celebrations

Another birthday has come and gone, and it really was such a good birthday. I guess I started the celebrations on the Wednesday before my birthday when Justin and I drove to Preston to have dinner with my grandparents. They are pretty much the sweetest and surprised me with a cake. They even had candles and sang happy birthday to me. It was so nice of them. The celebrations continued on Saturday when we drove to Bear Lake and met my mom there. She took Leland from us and we went to Pickleville Playhouse to see 'Seven Brides for Seven Brothers', which is one of my all time favorite movies but I have never seen it performed live. It was amazing! I loved it! After the play we found a new restaurant called Coopers. It was so yummy and very well priced- we will definitely be adding it to our favorite restaurants in Bear Lake! The next day Justin and I decided to let my mom sleep in since she had insisted on waking up with Leland all night, so we packed him up, grabbed some breakfast, and took a beautiful drive up Charles Canyon. After our drive we went to lunch with my mom and then Justin drove home because he had to work that night and me and my mom took Leland to the beach. On Monday morning, which was actually my birthday, we slept in, packed up, and drove to Fruit Heights where Justin was already there and waiting for us. I was then able to go get a pedicure with my little sister which was a lot of fun and felt amazing. I really enjoyed that because I don't seem to get a lot of one on one time with my little sister. But anyway, after our pedicures we went to Olive Garden with my family, and then it was back to my parents house for dessert and presents. My awesome parents got me an ipad so I have now joined the Apple world. I got some other really good gifts but Justin gave me the most thoughtful gift of all which requires a little background story. So I have a father who is kind of the anti-hoarder in that he throws away everything! He probably de-junks our house a couple of times a year. Our family could probably open up their own D.I. with as much stuff as he has taken there. Which means that I do not have one single toy from my childhood. I have told Justin how much I would love to have just one barbie or just one of my dolls. Well, for my birthday, Justin found me my favorite barbies from my childhood from 1992, still in the box, mint condition. They are Aladdin, Jasmine, and the Genie from the Disney movie Aladdin. I couldn't believe it! Don't I have the best husband ever?! I seriously LOVED my Aladdin barbies- they were by far my favorite barbies from my childhood. I can't believe he found them, and still in the box too! I was so touched that he would do that for me. He told me that it took him over a year to find them- wow- now that's dedication! He is awesome and I am lucky and that's enough of that.

So thanks to everyone who made my birthday so special. 26 sounds really old to me, I'm practically kicking 30 in the butt, but I feel really blessed to have the family and the friends that I do. You guys are awesome!

Mommy Woes

I have three "Mommy Woes" on my mind right now. Let the venting blog commence....

Mommy Woe #1
Why does everyone and their dog ask me if I am breastfeeding? I have never, not once, felt the need to ask someone who just had a baby if they are breastfeeding their baby or not. Is it just me, or is it strange to talk to someone else about their boobs? Now don't get me wrong, I don't get mad or offended by the questions, so if you have asked me that (and you probably have because seriously EVERYONE has) don't sweat it. I don't care. I just think it is a little strange. And not so much from the women who ask me- because they have had kids and know how hard breastfeeding can be, or they are planning on having kids so want to know how hard breastfeeding is. No, I don't mind THEIR questions. It's mostly the STRANGERS and the MEN who ask me that I find very odd. Like the old man in my neighborhood. Wow, that was an awkward moment in my life. But the weirdest one of all was when we were eating at Merlin's in Bear Lake and Merlin himself came to talk to us and he asked me. When I said that I wasn't he was like, "What's the matter? Do your boobies hurt?" And I shouldn't have let him rial me up, but I did, so when I told him why I wasn't I  think he felt kind of bad. And for all of you curious people out there, the reason that I'm not (not that it is any of your business ha ha wink wink) is because Leland will NOT nurse. We have tried and tried but he gets way too frustrated and then I get frustrated and we both end up bawling. But I did want him to have my milk so I pump. And there ya go. Since I have talked to... um... I don't know... a MILLION people about my boobs I guess I'll just write a blog about them and let the rest of the world in on why I am not breastfeeding my baby.

Mommy Woe #2:
Justin and I have taken Leland out of the house a lot. I mean a lot, a lot in his short six weeks of life. He wasn't even two weeks old when we took him to the County  Fair. By the time he was five weeks old he had been to Bear Lake twice. He went to the library at five weeks. And when he was six weeks he went to his first football game and the Gossner's work party. And every time, and I do mean EVERY TIME, I take him out someone will ask me how old my baby is. And when I tell them.... Oh. My. Gosh. If looks could kill! It's almost ridiculous the amount of dirty looks I have gotten when I take my baby out in public. I realize that most people keep their babies in the house for the first few months and live like hermits. But I want my baby to have a good immune system thank you very much. And also, I would rather take him out now when it is still warm and hardly anyone is sick and there aren't that many germs, rather than later when it is cold and everyone is sick and the germs are everywhere. Goodness people are judgmental.And boy does everyone have an opinion on how I should raise my baby.

Mommy Woe #3:
When Leland was three weeks old we moved him into his crib and he seemed to sleep a lot better. Well, this week he has all of a sudden decided that he hates his crib with a fiery passion. I will feed him and he will be totally zonked out, but as soon as I lay him in the crib he starts screaming his head off. So because I am so tired that I couldn't give a rats ass about creating bad habits (pardon my French), I put him in bed with me. Yeah... that lasted about five minutes longer than the crib. So what does a tired mommy do next? Puts him in his swing where he immediately enters the blissful dream land. He has slept in his swing by my bed for the last four nights. So why is this a mommy woe? Because I secretly really do give a rats ass about creating bad habits and I'm worried that I just created one. That can't be good for his neck right? But he honestly will NOT sleep anywhere else! What's a mama to do? However, it could be worse. I had a lady tell me that she had to sleep in her car with her baby for four months because her daughter would only fall asleep in a moving vehicle. And she would scream if you took her out of her car seat or the car itself. So at least I am not sleeping in my car every night but in my own bed right?

Anyway, those are all of my Mommy Woes. Thanks for the vent sesh.