Forgotten

I love marriage. I really do. But this month has been kind of a hard one for me. Not because of Justin, he has been great, really. But just because of .... me. I've never been married before, so I guess I didn't really know what to expect. I expected the occasional fight and the less than perfect days. I did NOT expect to be so happy or feel so loved and so safe. I didn't expect to have a sudden sureness that this is the way God wants me to live, that this is His plan for His children, and that marriage is a very, very sacred thing.

But mostly I didn't expect the loneliness. Marriage can be really, really lonely. And I was definitely not expecting that.

As most of you know Justin works graveyards, which means he works all night and sleeps all day. He wakes up around five or six in the pm and so we get to spend our nights together. That's great. But while he is sleeping, I find myself extremely bored and extremely lonely. I know I need to find a full time job, it would help a lot, but in the meantime I'm not really sure what to do with my time. The worst part about it is I feel completely forgotten. None of my friends have called me to hang out with them. In fact I haven't even seen them since October. It's weird how I am closer and talk to my best friend who lives in Canada more than I do to my friends who live in the same city as me, probably less than two minutes away. I know they are busy with their lives, and friendship goes both ways, but am I really expected to initiate everything? I guess they are no longer interested in hanging out with an old married lady like me.

Everyone says that this change is good, that it's the way that it's supposed to be. Losing contact with you friends is SUPPOSED to happen after you are married. Shiz monkey. I don't like it. I know I am just having a hard time with this change because for the past five years I have been extremely spoiled in my social life. I always had roommates and friends around 24/7 and there was always something to do, someone to be with. It's a hard adjustment for me. I miss being around people. I miss my friends. I love Justin more than anything, and I love every minute we get to spend together. In my perfect world he could quit his job and we could spend every minute of every day together. But of course it's not a perfect world and we can't spend all of our time together so here I sit, whining about my life, when really it's not so bad, I just need a hobby. Or a puppy. ;)