Sunday, January 24, 2016

Jesus Wants me for a Sunbeam

As some of you may know, Justin and I were called to be the Sunbeams teachers in Primary in our church. I was really excited (and nervous) for this calling because 1. It would help me get back to church 2. I have never been in primary but have always wanted to and 3. I am really rusty on my primary songs so I love re-learning them all again!

So I just want to share my first day as the Sunbeams teacher. I am going to change the kids names however since they are not my children and do not want any upset parents or anything. On the class list we have six kids, but so far only three little girls have come- Amy, Carlie, and Kylie (haha can you tell they are made up names? hee-hee).

I walk into primary that day and sit in my chair next to Amy. I learned Amy's name really quickly. You could tell that it was probably nap time because at one point all three of them were laying down across the chairs. The biggest struggle in the primary room is getting them to stay seated upright in their chairs, and facing forward. I turned my back for two seconds and when I looked around Amy was two rows behind me sitting with the big kids. Luckily the other teachers helped me reign Amy in. Other than that though, they did awesome.

And then we go to our classroom. And Kylie had a complete sobbing meltdown. She opened the door and bolted out so I had to chase her down the hall, but she got to her Daddy before I could catch up to her so he came and sat with her in our class for a few minutes. While we were doing the Plan of Salvation puzzle he slipped out. When she finally noticed that he was gone she said, "This was my Daddy's chair. He was in here because I was crying. I was crying because I was scared of you. (referring to Justin.) But I don't know why I was scared of you, you seem like a nice boy." hahaha from the mouth of babes.

Carlie is the sweet, tender-hearted one of the group. The instant we got to our classroom for the first time she ran up to Justin, threw her arms around him, and said, "I am so happy you are my teacher! My name is Carlie!" and then went and sat down politely. I think Justin melted a little- she is going to have him wrapped around her little finger haha. Amy fights with Carlie. Carlie doesn't fight back. She goes in the corner and is sad. Kylie sticks up for Carlie. Kylie sticks up for Amy. Kylie is the buffer between Carlie and Amy. (Isn't that how it usually is with all girl relationships??)

It is already interesting to be with these young, precious souls. Each one has such a different personality. Amy is brave and talkative and likes to play and have fun. Kylie is reserved and takes a while to come out of her shell, but when she does, she is also very talkative and friendly. Carlie is shy and relaxed. She goes with the flow but also has big emotions. She is so sweet and kind. They already know so much about the gospel and have such sweet spirits about them. It's a challenge to help them grow and learn in the church at such a young age, but their minds are like sponges and they just sit and take it all in. I hope I will be a good teacher for them, but if I can't teach them anything, I hope they can at least feel the spirit with us and know how special they are in Heavenly Father's eyes. We got some really amazing little people in our class and I am really excited for this year. It's going to be challenging, rewarding, funny, tiring, uplifting, and a great blessing for us I think.

Jazz Game

My work (my cleaning job) has season tickets to the Jazz game, so I get to go to a game every year. Justin couldn't get work off so I was able to have some sisterly bonding time with Cass- it was a super fun night. We went to PF Changs- I had never been there before but the Chinese food was to die for! YUM! We also gave a homeless creepy guy some money to buy a bus ticket... or booze... ya know... whatever. And then he was so thankful for the handout that he hugged me and Cassie... awkward!! Cassie was like, "SO do you think it was like really dumb of us to give him money?" and I was like, "Probably!! But we are just buying our way into heaven... and .... he looked cold... so maybe the alcohol he buys with our money will warm him up!" haha. We are suckers. Oh well.

 But anyway, the game was amazing! We were losing the entire time- down by multiple digits, and in the last six seconds the Jazz scored a three pointer for the tie! And then in the last four seconds the other team made a basket and won the game. But even though we lost it was still a really intense awesome game.

 The funniest thing happened- so they were doing the kiss cam- showing couples on the big screen and then they had to kiss.  Well, the very last one you could tell that the couple was super awkward and they had zoomed in on the wrong couple because this guy and girl obviously did not know each other... and then all of a sudden.... this other girl jumps in the shot .... and kisses.... the girl! hahaha I was laughing so hard I was almost crying. It was super awesome! And of course the UTAH crowd was all being prudish and dying... oh man... so funny!



Monday, January 18, 2016

Bye Bye Blue

In July we celebrated Leland's 2'nd birthday, and at that time, he was still obsessed with "fishies", so we decided to buy him a pet fish. He named him Blue.

Every morning we would walk into the kitchen and I would say "Good morning, Blue." Then Leland would add, "Hi Blue. You hungry?" and we would feed blue and watch him nearly jump out of the water to get to his yummy blood worms.

And that was about all the interaction and interest that Leland showed in Blue.

Well, a few weeks ago, as I was trying to locate Blue in the tank to feed him, I found him curled up at the bottom of the tank. Uh-oh.

Leland was still asleep so I asked Justin how we wanted to handle this. After all, this was Leland's first pet. Were we going to rush to the pet store and grab a replacement so that Leland was none the wiser? Would we have an over the top funeral for Blue as we circled the toilet bowl? In the end, we decided to hurry and clean up all evidence that Blue ever existed, thinking that Leland would probably not even notice, as he really didn't show much interest in Blue anyway.

Oh heaven help me. The first words out of that little boy's mouth that day were, "Where's Blue?" I don't know that I have ever been truly sad over the death of a fish before, but that day I felt like my heart was going to break as I explained to my two year old that Blue went bye bye and was in heaven now. Those big eyes looking up at me, trying to comprehend what I was saying, almost tore me into two pieces.

Damn fish.

Leland asked about Blue several times that day, and each time I would try to explain to him what had happened in words he could understand.

We probably should have had the funeral.

That night we went to dinner at the Palmers. Leland solemnly walked up to his Grandpa Palmer and says, "Blue went bye bye..... (long pause).... but it's okay Grandpa." And then he got a much needed hug from his grandpa that hurt my heart even more.

My little guy has a sensitive soul. He cares about everyone. He is sad when other people are sad. He is worried when people get hurt. And he loves animals, all animals. Including Blue.

Rest in peace Blue. Thanks for being such a good first pet for such a sweet, tender-hearted little boy.

With a Deep Breath

Goodbye 2015.
You were not good to me.
There were glimmers of wonder and joy,
 but for the most part, I am not sad to see you go.

Life lessons were taught. So that holds value I suppose.
But through the trials and the pain,
I happily say farewell.



Guys, 2015 was hard. It was hard physically, mentally, and emotionally. It was one of the hardest years for our marriage. It was one of the hardest years for my depression. It was one of the hardest years professionally. It was one of the hardest years for me spiritually. It was just hard. Life is amazing in that through the difficult times you have these glimmers of wonderfulness that get you through the bad times. Like our vacation to San Diego, being able to attend the Usborne convention in Tulsa, and Leland's 2'nd birthday. Holidays are great, but were definitely harder this year without my little brother (he is currently serving a mission for the LDS church in Brazil). So don't get me wrong, there were amazing moments. But I feel no sorrow whatsoever as a new year is here. I am closing the chapter on 2015 with a thankful heart for my struggles, and am looking forward to 2016 with a renewed sense of hope for the future. Some people think that setting goals in January is cliche, but I need January. I hate January. But I need January. I like the newness of January. I like the idea that 2016 is MY year, and that anything can happen. I have big plans for January. Some of which include:
-Getting healthy (Justin and I joined a gym last week. Yay!)
-Writing Zach more letters (emails don't count)
-Promoting to team leader in Usborne (anyone want some free books? *wink wink*)
-Saving up some money for a vacation (more on that later)
-Getting my butt back in church (was just called as a sunbeams teacher... thank you Bishop for not really giving me the option to skip church anymore)
-Become more social and make new friends (so hard for me but I am gonna do it if it kills me!)
-And last, but not least, blog more!

So, with a deep breath, I begin a new chapter in my life.

The Divine Calling of Motherhood

It's late. I need to be in bed right now, but the pull to write is stronger than the pull of my night time meds, so .... here I am. T...