Life is full of surprises

For the past two weeks bitter sweet feelings have been devouring my soul. You see, I am no longer working at the library, you know, that job I had that I mostly loved. I have so many mixed emotions about this change in my life. Things were definitely going downhill at work and I was missing so much of my son's life working there that it began to be a struggle to go to work everyday. I do miss my job. I miss some of my coworkers terribly. I miss having a life outside of the home.

But....

Oh how I love staying home too. I always said I would never be a stay at home mom but oh my goodness these last two weeks I feel like I have fallen in love with my kiddo all over again. The days I worked I was only able to see him three or four hours a day. Now I spend the entire day with him and already our relationship has grown. He may only be nine months old but I know for a fact that he loves his mommy and he loves when she is home with him!

But...

There were days I struggled too. Like on Monday when I didn't get out of my pajamas all day, because really, what was the point? Or last week when his top teeth were popping through and I wondered who exchanged my angel baby for a little monster. And how all of a sudden I go to bed every night more exhausted physically and emotionally than any day I worked at the library.

But... (are you sick of my buts yet?)
......
However...

My kitchen has never been cleaner. I have time for cleaning, laundry, yard work, walks, fetch with Zorro, and so many other things that I never really made a priority to fit into my hectic schedule as a working mom. I am so pumped that I get to go on all my mini vacations with my family this summer and don't have to pick and choose because I don't have enough vacation hours saved up. I don't have to plan family time around my days off. I have seen my mom more in the last two weeks than I had in the last two months. I am now faced with so much freedom! It's completely liberating.

Financially though, we are still trying to work things out and see if we can even afford this one income thing. I have been thinking that maybe even a part time job would be okay, one where I only have to work four hours a day. Ideally I would love a work from home type job, but really, who knows. My future is pretty uncertain right now - you can add that tally mark to the con side of my ongoing list of pros and cons of working vs. staying at home. I am not a big fan of uncertainty, but I can guarantee that this new stage of life came from God and is a lesson in faith to trust Him in all things. I am both grateful and scared for this test of faith. Already it has brought me closer to my Heavenly Father so when it's all over I am 100% sure that I will be completely grateful for this test.