Happy Friday to YOU!

 Guys! Guys! Guys! Guess what guys?! It's FRIDAY!!! Happy weekend to ya! This weekend will be full of nothing to do. Isn't that wonderful. There might be cleaning. There might be laundry. There might be a certain dog getting a bath. There might even be some yard work. Who knows? But you can bet your bottom dollar that there WILL be garage sales. There WILL be sunshine. And there WILL be time with family. In case I haven't made you excited for the weekend, here are a couple of others to help you get in the weekend mood!

The Butler

Have you seen the movie 'The Butler'? As I was watching it today I really really liked it. But then the last ten minutes or so I just got really mad and I felt like those last minutes of a great film ruined the whole movie for me. The movie is about a black man who serves as the White House butler for more than twenty years- serving the different presidents as they come and go in office. It also depicts the Civil Rights Movement and how persecuted the black people of America were at that time. The entire movie completely moved me and there were spots that definitely brought tears to my eyes. The Civil Rights Movement was a terrible time in American history. Many people died and were hurt fighting in a war for equal rights on their home soil. All of the actors did an amazing job in their roles and I really did love this movie.

BUT then it comes to the time when Barack Obama is up for election. After watching an entire movie dedicated to Civil Rights, it ends with Obama. The hero of the story talks about how he could have never imagined a world where a black man could have a real chance of becoming the president of the United States of America. He talks about how he and his wife walk past the city office building every night to see where they will go to vote for Obama- they are that excited to be voting for a black man. Then when he wins the election they start crying because they are so happy that finally, after years of fighting for equal rights, there is a black man in the Oval Office. I think the point they were trying to make was how far black people have come since the 1960's, but that's not what I took away from it at all.

Here is my problem with it. They always use the world 'black' when talking about Obama. The sole reason they are voting for Obama is because of the color of his skin. Does this rub anyone else the wrong way?? Because I was under the impression that The Civil Rights Movement was to create equality among the races, but here we are in the 21'st century electing a president merely because of the color of his skin. There was no mention whatsoever about his politics, his beliefs, what kind of man he was, NOTHING. All they focused on was that he was black. Whoop-dee-doo. Maybe we haven't become as color blind as we would like to think. And I'm sure it goes both ways. I have no doubt in my mind that there are white people out there that didn't vote for Obama merely on the color of his skin. Here I am rooting for this struggling family the whole step of the way, and in the last ten minutes I lose all respect for them because they choose race and ignore politics. It's people like that that are going to drive this country to hell. It's not Obama. It is the people that elected him.

What are your thoughts?

Pee Pee Fountains

The other day Justin was in desperate need of a nap before I left for work and he was on baby duty, so Leland hung out with mom while I got ready for work that morning. After a while he got bored of his toys so I took off his pants and diaper and plopped him in the sink. He played with the faucet and got himself all wet, played with the hair products, make up brushes, and other items on my counter, and basically just had a good old time discovering a new spot in the house that he hadn't been able to explore before. As I was putting on my mascara I look up to see him playing in a puddle. At first I just figured that he had gotten the counter all wet from turning on the faucet. At second glance I realized that the liquid was not clear, so I thought maybe he had spilled the hand soap. On third glance I finally realized that the liquid was yellow and not orange like our hand soap. Pee, it was pee! ALL over my counter. And Leland was splashing his hands in his own urine. Grrrreat. All of a sudden he looks down and another little fountain of yellow liquid starts shooting up, so he starts playing in it while it is spraying all over. By this time I was laughing so hard I could barely breathe and he was giggling as well. A few dozen Clorox wipes later and lots of REAL hand soap for both of us, I had a great story to share. He is ALL boy, this one! Days later and I am still laughing about this little pee pee fountain episode. I feel like I could be on one of those Clorox commercials... you know the ones... the ones that make you cringe and smile at the same time. Youtube them if you haven't seen them, they will make your day. Anyway, I got some cute pictures of my little man before all of the pee pee chaos happened. Isn't he adorable?! I could just EAT HIM UP!!!

He LOVES to look at himself in my hand mirror. 

Sunshine!

Oh my goodness, guys! Spring is here! Can you believe it?! Are you absolutely LOVING the sunshine and good weather as much as I am? I seriously can't get enough of it. All these warm temperatures have given me spring fever, and with that I am in the mood to go shopping for cute flip flops and capris, swimming suits, beach toys, spring home decor... ah! I need money! Am I the only one who gets in the mood to shop at spring? I hope not!

On my day off this week I vowed to clean my house, like deep spring clean my house. So I did the main stuff in my bathroom and kitchen, but then I looked out the window which was a big mistake. The sunshine was calling my name in furious shouts that refused to be ignored, so I just had to answer the call, I had to guys. I packed Leland up in the stroller and we walked around the neighborhood and walked to the park where he rode his first swing for the first time. I was surprised by his reaction, I thought he would absolutely love it but the most reaction I got out of him was he was kicking his feet back and forth in glee and oh my gosh it was the cutest thing ever! After our walk I just wasn't ready to go inside yet so I spread a blanket out on our front lawn and I finished my book while Leland played with toys and then we played fetch with Zorro for a good hour. And did I mention this all happened in bright, glorious, brilliant, SUNSHINE! Wow, seriously a good dose of sunshine is just what the doctor ordered for me this week! And if that wasn't enough tonight Leland and I played outside with my SIL and my niece with sidewalk chalk and oh boy did that make me feel like a little kid all over again and bring a good dose of happiness to my soul!

Yup spring has sprung which means summer is right around the corner, holla! (Yes I really did just say holla!). My goodness I love flip flops, long summer nights, camping, smores, Bear Lake trips with raspberry shakes, fresh produce from the garden, the car show, the fourth of July, summer reading at the library, the windows in my car rolled down, tan skin, icy drinks, garage sales, and basically just being outside all of the freaking time!! I was pregnant all of last summer, which sucked butt, so I think I am even more excited than normal for this one cause I was so jipped last year. (totally worth it by the way but I could have done with less morning sickness, just sayin').

So did you know it was possible to dedicate an entire blog to warm weather? Congrats if you made it to the end of my neurotic obsession of summer, but in case you don't get it by now, I LOVE SUMMER!

Cousins

First time with sidewalk chalk at 7 months

I traced Leland's bum and made a bunny out of it

The Spoon Theory

In case you don't know this about me,  I have had fibromyalgia since I was about 12 years old. All my life I have had people ask me many questions about this disease, and I always did the best I could to explain, but I never thought I adequately described what my life is like on a day to day basis. The bottom line was: healthy people just don't get it. Well last night I found this amazing article called 'The Spoon Theory' by Christine Miserandino circulating on Facebook. She writes about her experience with lupus, but basically it fits how I feel with fibromyalgia as well. If you want to know how I feel almost every single day of my life, please read the article below. She explains things far better than I ever could. It actually brought tears to my eyes with how closely I can relate.

The Spoon Theory
by Christine Miserandino www.butyoudontlooksick.com
My best friend and I were in the diner, talking. As usual, it was very late and we were eating French fries with gravy. Like normal girls our age, we spent a lot of time in the diner while in college, and most of the time we spent talking about boys, music or trivial things, that seemed very important at the time. We never got serious about anything in particular and spent most of our time laughing.

As I went to take some of my medicine with a snack as I usually did, she watched me with an awkward kind of stare, instead of continuing the conversation. She then asked me out of the blue what it felt like to have Lupus and be sick. I was shocked not only because she asked the random question, but also because I assumed she knew all there was to know about Lupus. She came to doctors with me, she saw me walk with a cane, and throw up in the bathroom. She had seen me cry in pain, what else was there to know?
I started to ramble on about pills, and aches and pains, but she kept pursuing, and didn’t seem satisfied with my answers. I was a little surprised as being my roommate in college and friend for years; I thought she already knew the medical definition of Lupus. Then she looked at me with a face every sick person knows well, the face of pure curiosity about something no one healthy can truly understand. She asked what it felt like, not physically, but what it felt like to be me, to be sick.

As I tried to gain my composure, I glanced around the table for help or guidance, or at least stall for time to think. I was trying to find the right words. How do I answer a question I never was able to answer for myself? How do I explain every detail of every day being effected, and give the emotions a sick person goes through with clarity. I could have given up, cracked a joke like I usually do, and changed the subject, but I remember thinking if I don’t try to explain this, how could I ever expect her to understand. If I can’t explain this to my best friend, how could I explain my world to anyone else? I had to at least try.

At that moment, the spoon theory was born. I quickly grabbed every spoon on the table; hell I grabbed spoons off of the other tables. I looked at her in the eyes and said “Here you go, you have Lupus”. She looked at me slightly confused, as anyone would when they are being handed a bouquet of spoons. The cold metal spoons clanked in my hands, as I grouped them together and shoved them into her hands.
I explained that the difference in being sick and being healthy is having to make choices or to consciously think about things when the rest of the world doesn’t have to. The healthy have the luxury of a life without choices, a gift most people take for granted.

Most people start the day with unlimited amount of possibilities, and energy to do whatever they desire, especially young people. For the most part, they do not need to worry about the effects of their actions. So for my explanation, I used spoons to convey this point. I wanted something for her to actually hold, for me to then take away, since most people who get sick feel a “loss” of a life they once knew. If I was in control of taking away the spoons, then she would know what it feels like to have someone or something else, in this case Lupus, being in control.

She grabbed the spoons with excitement. She didn’t understand what I was doing, but she is always up for a good time, so I guess she thought I was cracking a joke of some kind like I usually do when talking about touchy topics. Little did she know how serious I would become?

I asked her to count her spoons. She asked why, and I explained that when you are healthy you expect to have a never-ending supply of “spoons”. But when you have to now plan your day, you need to know exactly how many “spoons” you are starting with. It doesn’t guarantee that you might not lose some along the way, but at least it helps to know where you are starting. She counted out 12 spoons. She laughed and said she wanted more. I said no, and I knew right away that this little game would work, when she looked disappointed, and we hadn’t even started yet. I’ve wanted more “spoons” for years and haven’t found a way yet to get more, why should she? I also told her to always be conscious of how many she had, and not to drop them because she can never forget she has Lupus.

I asked her to list off the tasks of her day, including the most simple. As, she rattled off daily chores, or just fun things to do; I explained how each one would cost her a spoon. When she jumped right into getting ready for work as her first task of the morning, I cut her off and took away a spoon. I practically jumped down her throat. I said ” No! You don’t just get up. You have to crack open your eyes, and then realize you are late. You didn’t sleep well the night before. You have to crawl out of bed, and then you have to make your self something to eat before you can do anything else, because if you don’t, you can’t take your medicine, and if you don’t take your medicine you might as well give up all your spoons for today and tomorrow too.” I quickly took away a spoon and she realized she hasn’t even gotten dressed yet. Showering cost her spoon, just for washing her hair and shaving her legs. Reaching high and low that early in the morning could actually cost more than one spoon, but I figured I would give her a break; I didn’t want to scare her right away. Getting dressed was worth another spoon. I stopped her and broke down every task to show her how every little detail needs to be thought about. You cannot simply just throw clothes on when you are sick. I explained that I have to see what clothes I can physically put on, if my hands hurt that day buttons are out of the question. If I have bruises that day, I need to wear long sleeves, and if I have a fever I need a sweater to stay warm and so on. If my hair is falling out I need to spend more time to look presentable, and then you need to factor in another 5 minutes for feeling badly that it took you 2 hours to do all this.

I think she was starting to understand when she theoretically didn’t even get to work, and she was left with 6 spoons. I then explained to her that she needed to choose the rest of her day wisely, since when your “spoons” are gone, they are gone. Sometimes you can borrow against tomorrow’s “spoons”, but just think how hard tomorrow will be with less “spoons”. I also needed to explain that a person who is sick always lives with the looming thought that tomorrow may be the day that a cold comes, or an infection, or any number of things that could be very dangerous. So you do not want to run low on “spoons”, because you never know when you truly will need them. I didn’t want to depress her, but I needed to be realistic, and unfortunately being prepared for the worst is part of a real day for me.

We went through the rest of the day, and she slowly learned that skipping lunch would cost her a spoon, as well as standing on a train, or even typing at her computer too long. She was forced to make choices and think about things differently. Hypothetically, she had to choose not to run errands, so that she could eat dinner that night.

When we got to the end of her pretend day, she said she was hungry. I summarized that she had to eat dinner but she only had one spoon left. If she cooked, she wouldn’t have enough energy to clean the pots. If she went out for dinner, she might be too tired to drive home safely. Then I also explained, that I didn’t even bother to add into this game, that she was so nauseous, that cooking was probably out of the question anyway. So she decided to make soup, it was easy. I then said it is only 7pm, you have the rest of the night but maybe end up with one spoon, so you can do something fun, or clean your apartment, or do chores, but you can’t do it all.

I rarely see her emotional, so when I saw her upset I knew maybe I was getting through to her. I didn’t want my friend to be upset, but at the same time I was happy to think finally maybe someone understood me a little bit. She had tears in her eyes and asked quietly “Christine, How do you do it? Do you really do this everyday?” I explained that some days were worse then others; some days I have more spoons then most. But I can never make it go away and I can’t forget about it, I always have to think about it. I handed her a spoon I had been holding in reserve. I said simply, “I have learned to live life with an extra spoon in my pocket, in reserve. You need to always be prepared.”

Its hard, the hardest thing I ever had to learn is to slow down, and not do everything. I fight this to this day. I hate feeling left out, having to choose to stay home, or to not get things done that I want to. I wanted her to feel that frustration. I wanted her to understand, that everything everyone else does comes so easy, but for me it is one hundred little jobs in one. I need to think about the weather, my temperature that day, and the whole day’s plans before I can attack any one given thing. When other people can simply do things, I have to attack it and make a plan like I am strategizing a war. It is in that lifestyle, the difference between being sick and healthy. It is the beautiful ability to not think and just do. I miss that freedom. I miss never having to count “spoons”.

After we were emotional and talked about this for a little while longer, I sensed she was sad. Maybe she finally understood. Maybe she realized that she never could truly and honestly say she understands. But at least now she might not complain so much when I can’t go out for dinner some nights, or when I never seem to make it to her house and she always has to drive to mine. I gave her a hug when we walked out of the diner. I had the one spoon in my hand and I said “Don’t worry. I see this as a blessing. I have been forced to think about everything I do. Do you know how many spoons people waste everyday? I don’t have room for wasted time, or wasted “spoons” and I chose to spend this time with you.”

Ever since this night, I have used the spoon theory to explain my life to many people. In fact, my family and friends refer to spoons all the time. It has been a code word for what I can and cannot do. Once people understand the spoon theory they seem to understand me better, but I also think they live their life a little differently too. I think it isn’t just good for understanding Lupus, but anyone dealing with any disability or illness. Hopefully, they don’t take so much for granted or their life in general. I give a piece of myself, in every sense of the word when I do anything. It has become an inside joke. I have become famous for saying to people jokingly that they should feel special when I spend time with them, because they have one of my “spoons”.
- See more at: http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/wpress/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/#sthash.ivq4lvCk.dpuf