Thursday, October 17, 2013

A Working Momma

When I was going to college I always felt like I was preparing for a future that I didn’t want. A career was always my back up plan to being a stay at home mom. I felt like the only reason I was getting an education was for the ‘what if?’ in life. For example, what if my husband dies, leaves me, has a terrible accident (etc. etc. etc.) and I have to be the provider for our family? It was a dreary reason to be going to school to say the least. I didn’t want to work. I wanted to be home with my babies and that was that. Of course, I was saying this while working all of my crappy retail jobs. You know, the kind of jobs that are so miserable from day to day that they almost force you into college so that you don’t end up working there forever. Those were the days when going to work was a drag… each and every single day. I hated my coworkers, my hours, the job itself, the pay. Pretty much everything about it was barely tolerable. And then, miracle of all miracles, I got a job as a librarian. My dream job. A job where I look forward to going to work every single day. A job where I actually begin to miss my coworkers over the weekend. A job where I love what I do and feel good about doing it. It may sound cheesy or cliché or whatever, but there are days where I feel like I actually put a little good out into the world by doing what I do. It’s those times when I help a teenager who doesn’t really like to read find their new favorite book. When I help kindergartners find the books that they can learn to read in. The days when I get into book discussions with a patron and we share our recommendations with one another. These are the days that I cherish. The days that make my job worthwhile. My job gives me a sense of accomplishment. It is my reason to get up in the morning and get ready for the day. But have I worried about the affects my working would have on my son? Of course! Sometimes I worry that he won’t develop as fast as he needs to because I am not there everyday to teach him the new things that he needs to learn. Sometimes I worry that he will notice my absence and it will affect him negatively.  Let’s face it, being a mother is a big fat worry fest all of the freaking time. But there is not much I can do about it anywho. We simply do not have the means for me to stay at home. I may not contribute much to the family income, but it is enough to help put food on the table and pay the bills. But what if we could afford for me to stay at home? Would I want to? Would I make a huge sacrifice and quit my dream job for my children? The answer... probably not. Does that sound selfish? It probably does to some people out there. But let me explain. My entire life I have battled serious bouts of depression. I honestly worry that if I were a full time mom I would slip back into that depression very easily. I can imagine myself staying in my pj’s all day long, not showering, not putting on make up, and not doing my hair. That’s depressing. Plus I would most likely stay at home all day long. That’s depressing too. I wouldn’t get much girl talk like I do everyday with my coworkers, and a girl’s gotta vent yo! It would just be no bueno. Bottom line, my job keeps me sane. Capeesh?

So where is this all coming from? Well I read this article that I found on Facebook today, and I loved it. It made me feel good about my choice to work. But I definitely agree whole heartedly that Americans need to have a better maternity leave for woman. Most jobs, mine included, offer six weeks of unpaid maternity leave. Six weeks for you to heal from the trauma of giving birth, six weeks to bond with your baby, and six weeks to try to get that baby on a sleeping schedule so that you are not a zombie when you have to go back to work. Um… that’s not enough time! Health wise six weeks may be long enough for your body to recover from birth if everything goes smoothly. But what if it doesn’t? What if you have to have a C-section? That’s major surgery!  And what if there are other major complications? OR, what if something is wrong with your baby and they have to be in the NICU for an extended period of time? You don’t want to be worrying about your job at a time like that, but a lot of moms have to and I’m sure a lot of women have lost their jobs because of it. It’s a messed up system and one that I hope changes very soon. Women need time to heal. They need time to bond with their kiddo and reconnect with their husbands. And most importantly they need time to SLEEP! Going to a full day of work is not exactly a picnic when you have been awake all night with a screaming baby, trust me, I know!

Well, I think that sums it up for this soapbox rant. If there is ever a politician who will fight for a better maternity leave for women you can bet they will have my vote!

THE END.



Quasimodo Syndrome

Sunday night as I was brushing my teeth I went to rinse my mouth out and could not hold the water in my mouth. You know the movie ‘Just Go With It’? Well, I kind of looked like the guy with all the botox at the party who tries to take a drink and it just spills down his chin.  So then I tried to smile and only the right side of my mouth moved. It was honestly the weirdest sensation ever. I went to tell Justin about my dilemma and he had no idea what was going on either. So I jumped on Google and everything I pulled up mentioned a stroke. I honestly didn’t think I was having a stroke but in the moment you kind of start freaking out. So we called my mother in law to come watch Leland and we headed to the emergency room.  We luckily didn’t have to wait very long for the doctor to come in, but as he was checking me out I realized that I could no longer move my eyebrow or close my eye all the way. So within less than an hour it had already gotten worse. Because it was only in my face and not the rest of my body the doctor quickly ruled out a stroke and diagnosed it as Bells Palsey. I had never heard of it before but he told me it was very common, especially in woman, and especially in woman who just gave birth. The doctor told me they have no idea what causes it but they think it is viral. He prescribed a steroid to help settle my face nerves down and told me that I need to tape my eye shut at night and put artificial tear drops in my eye during the day. It really isn’t anything serious but the super sucky part about it is that it could last anywhere from three weeks to three months.  Sometimes my eye feels scratchy because it dries out so quickly, I can’t  blink with it, but other than that there isn’t any pain. Mostly the worst thing about it is how embarrassing it is. You know, I never really considered myself a vain person, but after this week I realized that I am a lot more vain than I thought. I didn’t realize how much looks mattered to me until I lost mine. Half my face is droopy, I look like a freak when I smile, and I am only closing one eye when I blink. Basically I look like Quasimodo from The Hunchback of Notre Dame, and no, that is NOT an exaggeration. I wish I didn’t care about my looks so much, I kind of feel disappointed in myself actually. Does that sound weird? But it made me realize that if I was ever unfortunate enough to get a third degree burn and have to get skin grafts, or get cancer and lose my hair, it would be really hard for me to go out in public. Like really hard. Why do I care so much? I have a new found respect for the people who have to go through that. They are so brave to face this critical world. I know it really isn’t that big of a deal, but as I was getting ready for work on Tuesday and I was looking at myself in the mirror, I honestly did not want to go to work and have people see me looking so terrible. I think this is a good learning experience for me. Maybe it will help out my vanity a little. Maybe it will help me stop judging others on their appearance. And maybe it will help me be a little bit more compassionate towards others. Maybe, just maybe, I can turn this negative into a positive. That’s my goal anyway. And in the meantime, here’s to hoping it goes away quickly. But if not, at least I have a good Halloween costume this year. ;)




Saturday, October 12, 2013

Two Years Down, an Eternity to Go!

October 6'th marked our two year anniversary, can I get a woot woot! These last two years have been years filled with complete and utter happiness, joy beyond belief, and so many miracles I couldn't even begin to count them. But of course we have had our ups and very low downs, just like anybody else, cause that's life. For example, Leland has brought so much joy into our lives, but at the same time, having a baby can be super hard on your marriage yo! So what does that mean for us?....WEEKEND GET-A-WAY! Holla!

I took Friday off of work so that we could have the entire weekend with each other. We packed up, dropped Leland off at Grandma Wright's house (so much harder than I thought it was going to be by the way), and then headed to good old Salt Lake City for our staycation as my coworker calls it. First we went to City Creek where we shopped our little bums off. And I guess I had Leland on the brain cause most of the stuff we bought was for him. We did buy our niece her Christmas present, my father in law a birthday present, and my dad a Christmas present, so most of the shopping wasn't for us. I am such a weird girl, but I honestly HATE shopping for myself! Shopping for other people is way more fun, especially your own kid! I did manage to get some new clothes, start my Halloween book collection, and get a DVD that I wanted though. One of my favorite moments at City Creek was when we bought some chocolate and watched the fountains and people watched. It was a good time. After our City Creek exploits were through we headed to our hotel, Little America, to check in. It is a pretty old hotel and I have always wanted to stay there- I liked it a lot. The rooms were HUGE! We were on the 8'th floor so we had a pretty good view of the city. That night we were tired so decided to order pizza and stay in our hotel room and veg out and be lazy. And of course we brought cheesecake from the cheesecake factory back with us. Yum!  It was fun to just relax and watch TV. I quite enjoyed myself.

Saturday morning I did a McDonald's breakfast run where I just barely made it back in time for conference to begin. We ate our unhealthy breakfast while listening to our church leaders and it was blissful. After conference we got ready for the day and headed to The Gateway for more shopping and people watching. We went to Lunch at Rumbi Grill and then went to see the movie 'Gravity' with Sandra Bullock and George Clooney. It was an okay movie. It kind of reminded me of Castaway with Tom Hanks. It was pretty cool in 3D though. It's just one of those movies that I would watch once but never buy or care to watch over and over again. After the movie our plan was to go out to eat for dinner, but being the bad planners that we are we hit the after priesthood session rush hour so basically every single restaurant in Salt Lake and the surrounding areas were chuck full of men in suits and ties. We knew it was going to be a long wait everywhere and our bellies were saying "No thank you!" to that, so we went through a drive thru and took dinner back to the hotel.

Sunday was our actual anniversary so we had room service deliver breakfast and then watched conference while we packed up and got ready to go home. Check out was at noon and conference ends at noon, so of course everyone in the entire freaking hotel left at the same time. We probably waited a good twenty minutes for an elevator. Call me lazy but there was no way in hades that I was going to walk down 10 flights of stairs to the underground parking garage with luggage! We finally got out of the hotel and headed to Fruit Heights where I proceeded to smother my son in kisses and we were able to watch the last session of conference with my family and have dinner with them. I felt bad that I was away from Leland because he was super sick with the croup that weekend but I am very grateful that my mom took such good care of him. We really needed a weekend away and we had so much fun! Happy Anniversary Babe!








A Blessed Day

On Sunday September 29, 2013 we blessed Leland. It was such an amazing day filled with family and friends. We are so grateful for everyone who came and supported our little family on such a special day. Justin did an amazing job, definitely choked me up hearing him give our son the blessing. I was reminded once again how lucky I am to have two wonderful boys in my life who really are my whole world.







The Divine Calling of Motherhood

It's late. I need to be in bed right now, but the pull to write is stronger than the pull of my night time meds, so .... here I am. T...