Ugh. Ugh. Ugh.

I'm moving home on Saturday. Ugh. I am not excited about this move. I was always looking forward to all of my previous moves. I could not wait for a new apartment, new ward, new roommates. I basically could not wait to get out. Now don't get me wrong, I liked most of my previous roommates, but it was time for a change. It's just not like that this time. I am honestly devastated about leaving this apartment and my roommates. I don't know how we did it, but somehow we were able to create a home in this apartment. We are more than roommates. We are family. This apartment feels more like home than my actual home in Fruit Heights does. The closer Saturday gets, the harder it gets to leave. I can't even think about it without tears running down my face.

I guess this move is even harder because the house in  Fruit Heights is no longer my home. My bedroom has turned into a storage room and the only thing I can get access to is my bed. My dad is being a jerk (no surprise there) and has made me feel terrible about leaving Logan and mooching off of him. My little sister is dreading me moving home because she hates sharing the attention from my mom. My grandpa comes home every Tuesday night and kicks me out of my bedroom. I will either have to go to the family ward (gross) or the singles ward that is full of Davis High people (Oh good. High school all over again with all the people I hated). I don't have a job there. I don't have friends there. Basically, there is nothing there for me. I love, love, love, going to  Fruit Heights for a weekend, even a week is okay. But then when my family starts getting on my nerves I just head back to Logan and all is well. I hate that I will no longer have that escape.

I know that this is what I need to do to prepare and save money for a mission. I know that, but I just can't get excited about it. I have lived in Logan since 2006. That is five years of being on my own, making my own decisions, not reporting to anyone, having a crazy awesome social life. How can I possibly leave this place?