I have been putting off writing this blog for a while. I
was hoping that the ‘Frozen’ epidemic would die out, because I didn’t want to
be one of those people. You know who I am talking about. The kind of
people who are filling up youtube with their own ‘let it go’ parodies. Yes, I own the movie. And yes, I own the soundtrack. But let’s be
honest, I mean really honest, that movie is WAY overrated am I right? And that
song… heaven to betsy… it is in competition with any of Taylor Swift’s hits for
being wonderful at first but so overplayed you kind of start to cringe every
time it comes on the radio. Yes, radio. I blame you for ruining some of my very
favorite songs for me.
But I am getting off track. Because dissing on Frozen is
NOT what this blog post is about.
This blog post is actually a TRIBUTE to the song ‘Let it
Go’. (Hypocrite much?) *sigh, I know.
Because you see, there is a reason why that song touches so many people.
And it has nothing to do with a beautiful Disney princess and little girl
dreams. But it does have everything
to do with the fact that there is something in every single person’s life on
planet earth that they need to let go of.
Something they are ashamed of themselves for, something they try to hide
from other people. I read one blog post that was circulating Facebook about how
the song was referring to gay people and their struggle to “come out of the
closet”. And where that is all fine and
dandy for them that is NOT what the song meant to ME.
You see, for me, the song described how I feel about
having depression to the tee.
The wind is howling like
this swirling storm inside
Couldn't keep it in;
Heaven knows I've tried
Don't let them in,
don't let them see
Be the good girl you always have to be
Conceal, don't feel,
don't let them know
Well now they know
don't let them see
Be the good girl you always have to be
Conceal, don't feel,
don't let them know
Well now they know
So In case you were
wondering why all of this is coming out tonight, it is because tonight my
husband and I went on a date to see ‘Night at the Museum 3”. This is supposed
to be a funny movie, but as the credits began rolling and “A tribute to Robin
Williams” popped on the screen, my chest began to constrict. I started bawling
big fat tears on the way home. It may
sound so weird to other people that I was mourning the death of a man that I
have never even met, but I have felt what he felt. I have felt hopeless. I have
felt friendless. I have felt suicidal. And he felt all of these things. I
wonder how many people knew this about him. He seemed like such a happy and
jovial person on the outside “Conceal, don’t feel” – that is what was going on.
But if he had just “let it go” how many people would have helped him I wonder?
He touched the lives of MILLIONS of people- not only his fans, but the fellow
actors that he worked with I am sure. But in his final moments, he didn’t feel
like there was one single person on the planet that he could turn to for help.
It breaks my heart. Not only for the loss of his life, but for me too, because I
know how it feels.
In high school I was
completely humiliated that I suffered from depression. I felt tainted, like if
other people knew the thoughts that came into my head sometimes it would scare
them off and they would want nothing to do with me. I tried so hard to live the
motto “fake it ‘till you make it’. It’s how I lived my life; never allowing
myself to feel what I was really feeling, keeping everything bottled up inside,
trying to hide my true emotions and plaster a smile on my face. It is a very lonely way to live though. “A
kingdom of isolation, and apparently I’m the queen.” But there is a reality to my way of thinking.
Who wants to be around someone who is sad, depressed, self-loathing, and
pessimistic all of the time? I really felt that I couldn’t be myself and have
friends at the same time. And I have also
been on the other side of that spectrum. In college I had a friend who was so
emotionally draining on me. All she did was complain about her life and vent to
me. I understand that venting is part of friendship, but I needed more than
that from her. I also need fun and laughter and support in MY life, not always
me giving it to her. It truly was a one sided friendship, so believe me when I
say that I understand both sides.
But when you are in a
deep depression your way of thinking is warped. You have tunnel vision. You
question everything. You are afraid to tell people how you are feeling because
you fear even more rejection. So you isolate yourself. I don’t know if you do
it to protect yourself, or protect your friends from yourself. Probably both.
But there is a catch to
this, and it is called social media. Social media allows depressed people to
seek approval from their peers, without actually having to interact with them.
It is SO easy to “fake it till you make it” on social media. You post all happy
stuff in hopes to hide your true agonies, because getting “likes” and happy
comments makes you feel good about yourself, if only for a moment. Social media
is a way to filter your life. You have complete control over it, over what
people see, so you begin to create the image of what you want to be, but not
necessarily who you are. The damage that this can cause is severe because your
friends only see the happy stuff and may never know what is really going on.
I don’t think anyone
knew what was really going on with Robin Williams either. His death was 100%
preventable. If only he had gotten help and not been ashamed of himself for
having this mental illness. In
2009, the last year for which statistics are available, suicide was the 10th
leading cause of death in the U.S. That year, there were nearly 37,000
suicides, and 1 million people attempted suicide, according to the Centers for
Disease Control. I can only imagine that those numbers have grown at an
alarming rate every year.
The only way I can see
to stop suicide, is to be open about mental illness. To educate people on how
they can not only get help for themselves, but how to help others. People need
to know the warning signs, and not always judge people from what they see on
facebook. We need to talk openly about it, and shout from the rooftops that
there is nothing to be ashamed of!
My name is Kristi and
I was diagnosed with depression when I was ten years old. And there is no shame
in that, not anymore.
To learn more click here
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| Jumanji |
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| Patch Adams |
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| Mrs. Doubtfire |
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| RV |
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| Dead Poets Society |
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| Father's Day |
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| Aladdin |
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| Night at the Museum |
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| Popeye |
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| Nine Months |
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| Ferngully |
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| Flubber |
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| FRIENDS |
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| Hook |
