Caution: Whining Blog Ahead

Sometimes I feel like such an idiot. This weekend as I said before, I went home to Fruit Heights. While there my mom became extremely sick, sicker than I have seen her in a long time. Being the idiot that I am, I laid in bed with her for a few hours talking and catching up. I missed her. I wanted to spend time with her. And as good as my motives were, I didn't even once think to myself, "Hey. I better stay away from her in case I get sick too." DUH! Even though it was so good talking to my mom, the way I am feeling right now is making me think it wasn't worth it. I feel like death! And the timing could not be worse!!! I have a math test tomorrow, my dad's 50'th birthday open house is tomorrow, and I am supposed to go away for the weekend with my family. Ugh. I want to die. I wan't to throw up. And then I want to die. (and in case you think I'm being overly dramatic, that line is from The Grinch, just revised a little... so I don't really mean it haha) But anyway, I'm gonna need a miracle here because I HAVE to get feeling better by tomorrow! Well that's all. I'm done whining.... for now.

President's Day Weekend

This was a really good weekend. Three cheers for three day weekends people!

On Friday my two sisters drove up to Logan for a visit. We went to dinner at Texas Roadhouse and checked out a dessert place I have always wanted to try, I think it's called 'Sweetly Divine' or something like that. After dinner and dessert we went to the USU hockey game, which ended up being one of the most intense games I have ever been to! We played U of U and went in to over time. It was insane! But of course, Aggies won!

That night my sisters and I went to a midnight movie. The movie was called, "Just Go With It" with Adam Sandler and Jennifer Aniston. It was hilarious! I was laughing so hard it was ridiculous!

Saturday morning we slept in, I made my sisters breakfast, and then they packed up and went home. I got ready and packed myself, and then I drove home to Fruit Heights for a date I had later that night in Salt Lake City.

So Saturday night I went on one of the funnest dates ever! I guess looking back the actual activities done that night were nothing special, but the person I went with was a lot of fun to be around. I guess it also felt absolutely wonderful to FINALLY not be thinking about the dumb boy I've wasted the last four years of my life on. I don't know, I'm just happy.

Sunday morning my wonderful father made me a delicious breakfast and I went to church in my home ward. When I was actually living at home going to this ward, I was not always such a big fan of the people, but going back is always a real treat because I feel like the people there are genuinely happy to see me and ask me about my life. They are all really excited about my mission as well, so I was bombarded with questions about that. Sunday night I drove back to Logan, talked with my roommates, and watched the old version of "Yours, Mine, and Ours" with Lucille Ball. What a great movie!

So today (Monday) was another great day. I was able to go out to lunch with the guy I had the date with on Saturday. I took a nap, read, did homework, and laundry. Tonight my friend Amanda came over to watch The Bachelor with me and my roommates, and then later I played games with my roommates Rachel and Emily. It was just such a great weekend and an absolutely needed break from life!

So Mission Update:
After a few days of attempting to call the guy who schedules the stake president's interviews, I was able to finally get in touch with him today. Turns out his phone had died. Seeing as I am not able to meet with my stake president this Sunday (I'm going out of town for my Dad's 50'th birthday... shhhh... it's a secret) I have my stake president interview on March 6. After that my papers will be sent to Salt Lake and I could get my call within 2 to 4 weeks, meaning I should have my call by the first of April at the very latest. I was hoping that this process would go a lot more quickly, but at least I have a better clue of the timeline I'm on.

Just Need to Share

Deciding to go on a mission is a hard thing. There are so many 'what if' questions. What if I miss my chance at marriage while I'm out? What if leaving school causes huge problems in the future? What if I don't know enough to teach? What if things get serious with the guy I'm dating? What if I just can't do this? What if? What if? What if?

I know that I'm supposed to go on a mission. I made my decision. I filled my papers out. It all feels right. When I finally told my family that I was filling out mission papers, they were beyond ecstatic. It was a very joyous experience. And then... Bam! Satan attacks! I have never felt Satan's influence so strongly in my life as I am right now. It's hard guys. And it sucks. And honestly, it's down right scary! I have so many doubts, fears, and anxieties. Please don't misunderstand me, I am so excited to go. I can't wait to leave! But it is a very big, very scary thing. I have been talking to my roommates and my mom a lot about my fears and doubts. And they have helped so much. Their words of comfort and great advice have gotten me through a lot in the past few weeks. But I still couldn't get rid of these horrible feelings. I kept wondering if I was doing the right thing.

Well, my mission prep institute class was amazing today. I feel like a thousand pounds have been lifted off my shoulders. At the start of class, after the song and prayer, everyone who has received a mission call gets up and bears their testimony and announces where they are going. I love this little ritual in the class. We had two people that got their calls this week, a girl and a guy. The guy gets up and says that he had three years of German in high school, so when he got his call to Germany it felt so right. He had such a strong testimony and I know he will make an amazing missionary. Then the girl gets up to announce where she is going. Before she tells us she says that right before she opened her call, her and her sister were talking about how they both would hate to go to some random state in the U.S. like Ohio. Guess where she is going? Ohio! But the cool thing is, is that she is called to work in the visitors center at the Kirtland Temple! How sweet is that?! So anyway, she said it was a very humbling experience but she is really excited. When she was telling this story my heart just kind of sank. You hear all the time that when missionaries say they don't want to go somewhere, sure enough, that's where they get called. I promised myself I wouldn't jinx myself, but I definitely did. I just have this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach that I am going to get called to Utah. I know of four missionaries that lived in Utah, and got called to Utah! And for some reason, I have this huge fear that that is going to be me.

So anyway, when the girl sat down, my teacher asked if we had any questions about the gospel, missionary work, or life in general. People started asking questions and pretty soon we got into a discussion about mission fears. I don't even know how we got there, but you could tell that the whole class was holding its breath to be able to talk about this with each other. My inspired institute teacher pushed his planned lesson aside, and said, "Alright class. Let's hear your deepest darkest secret fears about going on a mission." Wow. This is just what I needed today! It was so amazing to realize that every single person in that room, girl and boy, had the exact same fears. This may sound strange, but it made me feel so much better to know that there are so many people sitting in the same boat as I am. We had such a great discussion today, and when people admitted their fears, somehow, it seemed to calm mine. At the end of class my teacher then says this, "I don't know why, but I feel inspired to have all of the girls stay after class, to continue this discussion." The class ended, all of the boys got up and left, and now it was just the girls having a chat session with our institute teacher. The spirit magnified ten fold, and we were able to continue the discussion on what we were so scared of on a more intimate level. There were many tears, kind words, and comfort shared today. I needed this so badly. At the end of the chat session one of the girls asked if we could do this again. I was relieved that she asked because I was thinking the same thing! My institute teacher agreed and we are going to have 'girl talk' every Tuesday after class.

I know with my whole heart that my institute teacher is a very inspired man. I know that God is aware of me, and knew exactly what I needed to calm me down and bring me peace. I am so thankful for my wonderful family and friends who are a constant, never wavering, support system for me. And I also know that if I get called to Utah, that that's where I'm supposed to be and will end up loving my area more than anything I could have ever imagined! Institute is a divine institution. If you are not taking an institute class this semester, I highly encourage you to do so! Here are some quotes from some very great men. Maybe they can persuade you better than I can! :)

“If you are a single college student, I ask you to make participation in institute a priority. Married students and other young adults are also welcome and encouraged to attend. Think of it. Friends will be made, the Spirit will be felt, and faith will be strengthened. I promise you that as you participate in institute and study the scriptures diligently, your power to avoid temptation and to receive direction of the Holy Ghost in all you do will be increased. Divine favor will attend those who humbly seek it. That is a promise which I leave with you”
President Thomas S. Monson, April 21, 2009

“We urge all for whom [institute] is available to take advantage of it. We do not hesitate to promise that your knowledge of the gospel will be increased, your faith will be strengthened, and you will develop wonderful associations and friendships”
President Gordon B. Hinckley, Ensign, May 1984

“Students, if your values are in place, you will not hesitate to forego an elective class that may decorate your life in favor of instruction which can hold together the very foundation of it. Then, once enrolled, attend, study, and learn. Persuade your friends to do the same. You will never regret it; this I promise you”
Elder Boyd K. Packer, Ensign, May 1983

“I know the power that comes from associations in the seminary and institute programs. It has enriched my life, and I know it will do the same for you. It will put a shield of protection around you to keep you free from the temptations and trials of the world…I know of no better place for the young people of the Church to gain a special knowledge of sacred things than in the institute and seminary programs of the Church”
Elder L. Tom Perry, Ensign, Nov. 1997,

Day Thirty- Last Day!

Today is the last day of the blog challenge! I can't believe it's been a month since I started this. Time is flying by so fast these days! Today's blog challenge is a favorite quote. This quote was framed and given to me as a present from my friend Amber. It was her favorite quote, and it is now mine as well.

"I have come to the frightening conclusion that I am the decisive element. It is my personal approach that creates the climate. It is my daily mood that makes the weather. I possess tremendous power to make a life miserable or joyous. I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration. I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal. In all situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisis will be escalated or de-escalated, and a person humanized or de-humanized. If we treat people as they are, we make them worse. If we treat people as they they ought to be, -- we help them become what they are capable of becoming."
-Goethe-

Day Twenty Nine

Something You Would Like To Do Before You Die:

There are A LOT of things I would like to do before I die. I have an entire bucket list dedicated to this question. The first one on that list is to ride an elephant. This is like my number one goal in life! I was going to post some more of the things on that list... but.... there are too many to choose from! All I know is, I better be rich cause my bucket list could be kind of pricey haha.

Day Twenty Eight

A picture of your pet if you have one, if not a pet you would like to own:

My apartment does not allow pets, but this is the dog back home. Technically he belongs to my little brother, but considering the fact that everyone is in love with this little guy he is a family pet.



This is Chaz. He is spoiled, annoying, cuddly, adorable, and has a super hilarious personality. You can't say the words 'outside' or 'walk' unless you plan on taking him outside for a walk, he literally freaks out. His bed is on my Mom's stomach. He loves sugar. He thinks he is bigger than he really is because he acts like a tough guy around the hunting dogs, however a cat that was bigger than him scared him to death. My dad calls him Radar because of his funny looking ears. He is just cute. We all love him.

As soon as I move into a place that allows animals I am definitely getting a dog. I love pets, but dogs are by far my favorite.

Day Twenty Seven

Day 27 of the blog challenge is how you spend your leisure time.

I spend my leisure time reading, watching movies, sleeping, watching tv seasons, or hanging out with roommates/friends. In the summer a lot of my leisure time is spent laying in the sun.

Day Twenty Six

Something/ Someone that has inspired you to do better or make a change recently.

The thing that has inspired me the most this month has probably been my institute classes. I have learned so much from them.

The people that have inspired me to make a change are my roommates Kenzi and Emily. They have taught me about how to deal with confrontation and how to be a better friend. I feel like they are in my life for a reason right now, and they are preparing me for things that will come up on my mission. I am super grateful for the things that they are teaching me, and I am really grateful for their friendship. They are amazing girls.

Day Twenty Five

Dream Vacation Spot:
In the U.S.:Hawaii
Foreign: Italy

Day Twenty Four

Today's blog challenge is to write about a dream I had in the last month. But I'll do you one better and tell you about the dream I had last night.

I had a dream that my best friend from high school, Amber Feigleson, came to visit me up here at USU. I took her on a tour of campus, spending an extra amount of time in the library where I showed her the barn and my favorite study place. As we were walking back to my apartment we ran into an old friend from high school, Sean Knighton. He said hello to us and I told him that I was going on a mission. As we were walking away from each other I turned around and yelled, "Miss you Sean!". He turned and paused for a long time, then said, "Miss you too." But I knew that he didn't really, he just was trying to be polite and say it back. He hurt my feelings pretty badly because we used to be good friends. Amber and I made it back to my apartment and started discussing where we should go to lunch, and thats where the dream ended.

--Dreams are really crazy things. I don't ever know where they come from. Like, how did Sean end up in my dreams last night? He doesn't even go to USU. It was weird. Dreams are weird. The end.

Day Twenty Three

My Favorite Author/Writer/Poet....

Some of my favorite authors include Jane Austen, Shannon Hale, Gerald Lund, Charles Dickens, Roald Dahl, and of course, J.K. Rowling.

My favorite poet, no contest, is Robert Frost.
Here are four of my favorites by him:

Mending Wall:

Something there is that doesn't love a wall,
That sends the frozen-ground-swell under it
And spills the upper boulder in the sun,
And make gaps even two can pass abreast.
The work of hunters is another thing:
I have come after them and made repair
Where they have left not one stone on a stone,
But they would have the rabbit out of hiding,
To please the yelping dogs. The gaps I mean,
No one has seen them made or heard them made,
But at spring mending-time we find them there,
I let my neighbor know beyond the hill;
And on a day we meet to walk the line
And set the wall between us once again.
We keep the wall between us as we go.
To each the boulders that have fallen to each.
And some are loaves and some so nearly balls
We have to use a spell to make them balance:
"Stay where you are until our backs are turned!"
We wear our fingers rough with handling them.
Oh, just another kind of outdoor game,
One on a side. It comes to little more:
There where it is we do not need the wall:
He is all pine and I am apple orchard.
My apple trees will never get across
And eat the cones under his pines, I tell him.
He only says, "Good fences make good neighbors."
Spring is the mischief in me, and I wonder
If I could put a notion in his head:
"Why do they make good neighbors? Isn't it
Where there are cows? But here there are no cows.
Before I built a wall I'd ask to know
What I was walling in or walling out,
And to whom I was like to give offense.
Something there is that doesn't love a wall,
That wants it down." I could say "Elves" to him,
But it's not elves exactly, and I'd rather
He said it for himself. I see him there,
Bringing a stone grasped firmly by the top
In each hand, like an old-stone savage armed.
He moves in darkness as it seems to me,
Not of woods only and the shade of trees.
He will not go behind his father's saying,
And he likes having thought of it so well
He says again, "Good fences make good neighbors."

The Road Not Taken:

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Fire and Ice:

Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favour fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.

Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening:

Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

Day Twenty Two

All the Places I have lived:
Logan, Utah
Mendon, Utah
Fruit Heights, Utah
Back to Logan, Utah--> in 5 different apartments.

Day Twenty One

A Funny Childhood Memory:

So I am an animal lover. We always had pets growing up. When I was little, like 2 or 3, we had this bunny. And I loved that thing. So Easter morning we were getting ready for church and my parents couldn't find me anywhere! They were almost frantic. My mom had gotten me ready for church, and then went away to finish getting ready herself. They looked for me everywhere and finally went to look out in our yard. When they did find me I was sitting IN the bunny cage, in my brand new Easter dress, with the bunny on my lap, just petting it away, and in my own little world. ha ha I was kind of a strange little kid.

Day Twenty

Day Twenty of the Blog Challenge is your favorite song. But I already told you that in a previous post, so here are some of my favorite bands/artists:
David Archuleta
All American Rejects
Mury
Yellowcard
Lost Prophets
Three Days Grace
Jason Mraz
Taylor Swift
John Schmidt
Snow Patrol
Brittney Spears
Lady Ga Ga
Katy Perry
Coldplay

I know there are a ton more that I love, but that's good enough for now. Day Twenty- over and out!